Ugly Girl Read online

  I clung to her, pulling her tighter to me as if she was the only thing holding me to the planet, which, let’s face it, some days she was exactly that person in my life. Lane was my best girlfriend, my touchstone. “I promise to be really mad at you when this is all over. Until then, no more secrets, okay? No more lies.”

  She nodded into my shoulder, and I felt her pain at our temporary separation and sudden rift. “I was the one who fixed your bike when you were a kid. I told you it was Santa, but I lied right to your face.” She held me tighter when I broke out into a laugh. She smelled like lemon balm, as she always did. It was the lotion that she made herself, and I missed the way our home always smelled like her. She was only three inches taller than me, so we fit into the same clothes and had shared one dresser after I hit eighteen. She clung to me, and I felt just how scared she was that she’d almost lost her best friend, too. “I used to take your homework out of your folder after you’d finished it and fix it so you got a better grade. I shouldn’t have done it, but you worked so hard, and I knew you knew those answers! But I cheated, and it was wrong.”

  “I missed you, Lane.”

  “Oh, Ro. I only missed you like I miss breathing.”

  “I only missed you like I miss rainy days and hot tea,” I admitted.

  “Let me get a good look at you.” She pulled back, but still gripped my hands, letting them swing between us. Her eyes sparkled with wonder and borderline trepidation as she drank in my features. As much as my new appearance had spooked me, I could tell there was an additional layer of anxiety that hit Lane. “You’re just as beautiful as you’ve always been.”

  It was the lie only a mother could get away with. I looked nothing like my former self, but then again, she had always told me I was pretty, even when other people shuddered at my appearance. “I look like you,” I observed, amazed at the striking similarities.

  Lane nodded, swallowing hard. “All the Daughters of Avalon look similar. I’m having a moment, here. You look… I mean, you’re the spitting image of Morgan.”

  Lane and I had always shared the same heart shape to our face, the same chestnut hair, the same petite but muscular bodies, and a grin that shined for cheesy jokes. But now we had the same unmarked cheeks, since my acne had cleared up. We had the same upright posture, with the disappearance of my hump. We could probably borrow each other’s bras, now that my curves were more in line with her feminine form. Though her eyes were green and mine blue, our eye shape was the same, curving up at the corners when we smiled, which we were fortunate enough to do often.

  Lane was still crying as the guys sidled up beside us. Bastien looked awkwardly toward the trees to avoid the horrendous display of affection and emotion, while Reyn studied our connection as if trying to figure out what made us tick in the same offbeat rhythm only we understood. Lane was sixteen years older than me, but she was the type to look younger than her age, due to constant smiling and living off of corny jokes that made us both laugh. Though she was thirty-eight, she didn’t look a day over thirty-two. I felt about a hundred, so we were a good match overall. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again, wetting my hair with her tears.

  I squeezed her in lieu of speaking.

  “If we’re offering up confessions, I did the whole fixing your answers thing a few times myself,” Judah said, earning a laugh from both of us.

  Lane pretended to be appalled. “You’re her tutor! I paid you good imaginary money to make her brilliant.”

  “And I spent every last fake dime on women and booze.” He grinned at his second mom. “Hey, Lane.”

  “Get in here, boy. It’s been too long. I haven’t seen you in months! How much have you grown? A foot? Two?”

  “Seven feet, actually. They’re saying I’m a medical marvel.”

  “You’re my own personal miracle, is what you are,” Lane said, hugging Judah tight. She turned to me, holding my hand. “Looking at you like this… I mean, I always knew you’d turn out looking like Morgan, but it’s spooky. Pretty much spot on from how she looked the last time I saw her. You alright?”

  “So my mom’s still alive, but she’s some evil queen or something. Is that true?”

  Lane hesitated, and then nodded, her curly, chocolate-colored ponytail bobbing up and down. We looked so much alike now, I had to remind myself we weren’t actually sisters, or a biological mother and daughter set. “I took you because I was convinced she was behind a lot of bad things going down. She used to… When you were a baby she… I couldn’t sit back and do nothing. I couldn’t let you get used like that. It was the only way.”

  “You kidnapped me,” I stated flatly, the words in my mouth tasting sour. “You kidnapped me and told me my mom died in childbirth, and that my dad ran out when my mom found out she was pregnant.” Twenty-two years of self-hatred bubbled up inside of me, igniting on the one spark of truth I finally was given. I didn’t want to spew fire and ire at Lane, but that’s exactly what shot out when I opened my mouth. I punched my fist to my chest, feeling the vial snuggled in between my breasts moving from side to side. “All these years, I thought I was the reason I didn’t have a family, but it was you. I thought I killed my mom! I thought my mom died alone because dad left when he found out about me. All these years, I was certain there’s a man out there who knows all about me and wants nothing to do with me. I thought he hated me so much that he left us! Left my mom to die and abandoned me! You have no idea what that feels like!” I didn’t know how many tears I’d reserved for this very conversation until buckets of emotion began to pour down my cheeks.

  My rage was painful to say and even worse for Lane to hear. I expected her to shout back, to argue with my feelings or to throw her own fit, but when her arms gripped me in a tight hug, I didn’t know what to do. Darn her intuitively spot-on responses. “Keep it coming, baby. I earned it. Don’t hold back. I told you a lie so you wouldn’t go looking for them. Be mad at me.” I struggled to get out of her grip, but she only held on tighter, squeezing yet more tears out of me.

  “Every birthday I’ve ever had has been terrible! All I can think is how I killed my mom on my birthday! You did that to me! You put that in my brain!”

  Lane was horrified. “Why would you ever say it like that to yourself? That’s why you like to go camping every year instead of have a party?”

  “What’s there to celebrate? My mom supposedly died in childbirth, and my dad didn’t give a crack about me. You put that on me, Lane! Why? So you could have a daughter? A daughter who wasn’t yours? I wasn’t yours, Lane! I’m not yours!”

  That was the slice. It was the pivotal moment I pushed the truth too far. I’d cut her in a place I knew wouldn’t heal, but still she held me. Bastien, Reyn and Judah finally moseyed on ahead to give us some space.

  “I did everything I could to make you mine. Morgan had a plan, Rosie. There’s a set of jewels.”

  “The guys told me about the Jewels of Good Fortune, yeah. Do you have yours? I’ve never seen it.”

  “It’s safe.” The finality of her tone told me there was nothing more she would say about it.

  “Well that tells us nothing. Where is it?” Bastien wasn’t quite out of earshot, apparently, and whirled around to stick his bossy nose into our conversation.

  “Somewhere safe. It’s no concern of yours.”

  Bastien reared back, affronted. “Are you kidding me? It’s the concern of everyone in Faîte! Does Morgan le Fae have your jewel or not?”

  “Of course she doesn’t have it. I said it was safe, not safe in the hands of the enemy.”

  Bastien’s hands flew out in frustration. “Where? Avalon needs it! We’ve got people starving, kids dying, magic withering. If you have one of the jewels, you have to bring it to Avalon.”

  Lane reached up and gripped his scruffy jaw with one determined hand, squeezing his face so his lips parted in a smoosh. Her gaze was steel and her tone deadly as she brought his face down to be level with hers. In that moment, I saw the carefree silly girl faç
ade fade away; it was replaced by a ruler who didn’t take crap from anyone. “Listen, you punk kid. You don’t know the first thing about protecting the Jewels of Good Fortune. Rosie doesn’t even know where I stashed mine. Do you really think you’re going to annoy it out of me? The second I show my hand, Morgan’s army will come running. We have to take her down first, then I’ll bring the stone to Avalon.”

  “Fine.” Bastien glared at her, but didn’t protest from his position of submission to my tall, slender aunt. “I’m an Untouchable, not some ‘punk kid’.”

  “I couldn’t care less what you are right now.” Lane released Bastien, who rubbed his face as he pouted. Her hands were gentle as she placed them in mine, squaring her shoulders to me to make sure I heard her completely. “Morgan was going to use you to find the other jewels as soon as you learned to walk, baby. The only time she wanted to see you was when she was showing you pictures of the jewels, telling you stories about them. Then she left you with me. I raised you, even in Avalon. You were a tool to her, but I loved you. The only kindness I could think to say to you was that she was dead. I didn’t know you’d read into it that you killed her. You didn’t! And your dad loved you, babe. King Urien?” Her voice quieted to a whisper. “Urien saw what Morgan was doing. When he confronted her about being a shoddy mom, she started slowly poisoning him so he started to lose his mind. I tried to find a cure for the poison, but I couldn’t help him! I went to Master Kerdik and begged him to cut Morgan off from the power, to take back his jewels, but the snake wouldn’t listen!” The confession poured out of her as if it had been stuffed inside a lockbox for decades, and finally had its chance to spill out and breathe.

  Reyn and Bastien both gasped. Reyn was the more diplomatic of the two, so he spoke what they were both thinking. “You’ve seen Master Kerdik? You’ve spoken with him?”

  Lane shrugged. “Well, sure. Twenty-one years ago before I left with Rosie. Why? Is he not as social anymore?”

  “Kerdik hasn’t been seen or heard from since the Princess of Avalon was lost. How soon before you left did you see him?”

  Lane touched her forehead, then her chest. “I don’t know. Maybe a day or two before? I told him what was going on with the jewels, and what Morgan was doing to Rosie. When he washed his hands of the whole thing and basically told me it wasn’t his problem, I went to the castle and told Urien. That’s when Urien said we were doomed, and to take Rosie and run.”

  “What?” My voice was quiet, but it felt like my shock was heard across the world. “My dad… That Urien guy… He… he didn’t walk out on us?”

  She leaned in and gripped my face with gentle hands, ignoring the guys who were gawking from a safe distance at the new information. “In the last days Urien was himself, he begged me to take you away. He told me to hide you where Morgan could never use your abilities. So I took you here, to Common, which is what people in Faîte call Earth. I assumed you’d lose your abilities, like how I lost mine. It’s why no one from Faîte comes up here. Common mutes most of your magic.” She pressed her forehead to mine, and both of us closed our wet eyelashes in unison. “Urien loved you. He loved you enough to give you up when you were in danger. He loved you so much that he would rather suffer and die alone than see you hurt another day. You are the daughter of a great man.” Her blue painted fingernails squeezed my face.

  When I finally found the words, they came out in whispered vows of familial loyalty. “I’m sorry I said I wasn’t yours.”

  “Oh, kid. You don’t get to apologize. You get to be as mad as you want for as long as you want. I’ll never leave you. Spice Girls until the end.” She hugged me again, and this time I let myself cry harder than I meant to. I hadn’t killed my mom. My dad wanted me. And I still had my best friend through all the changes. Through all the bad spots, there were enough pieces of good for me to hold tight inside my heart.

  17

  The Rabbit Hole to Avalon

  Reyn was a gentleman, taking a handkerchief out of his pocket and handing it to Lane when I passed on the offer. I turned away and pretended there was something interesting on the toe of my shoe.

  “Thank you.” Lane dabbed at the smeared black eyeliner she always wore the right amount of too much. She could work that smoky eye look like nobody’s business. I had colored chapstick I wore on special occasions like sports banquets, but that was about it. She handed back the damp square, but Reyn wouldn’t hear of it. “But it’s yours,” Lane insisted.

  His long, dark fingers closed over hers, bunching the fabric in her fist. I didn’t need ears to hear the zap of electricity between them that jolted Lane’s eyes wider. I’d never seen Lane look at a man like that, but there it was – the beginnings of a crush. Reyn tilted her chin up in a move that was super intimate for people who were meeting for the first time. He was gentle as he spoke, as if his words grew a hand he could caress her upturned face with. “And now it’s yours. We’re going back to your home country. Something tells me you’re going to need it again when you see how far we’ve fallen without you.” He motioned to a stone well still a ways off, and wrapped an arm around Lane to guide her there. “I think it’s time.”

  I’d never seen Lane with a man’s arm around her before. She was celibate, always putting me as her top priority. I felt horrible for yelling at her, saying things I didn’t mean, or at least shouldn’t have said aloud. Reyn was a few inches taller than Lane’s regal 5’9”, and she fit under his arm perfectly. I watched the two and walked behind them with Bastien, Judah and Hamish, musing quietly to Hamish how I’d never seen her comforted like that. I wondered how often she’d needed a shoulder to cry on that was sturdier than mine. I did my best, but there was something different about a guy giving you his handkerchief and letting him shelter your shoulders from the world’s weight that made a girl’s problems seem just a little bit smaller.

  “I’m not doing that,” Bastien said, clearly uncomfortable.

  “Doing what?”

  “I don’t carry a handkerchief around for girls to cry into.”

  I rolled my puffy eyes. “What the flip are you talking about? I’m not the kind of girl guys do that sort of thing for.”

  “Good. Just so long as you know that. When we get back to Faîte, I’m promised to Reyn’s sister. I have to play that part.”

  “Well, I’ll just be crying myself to sleep that you’re not pining away for me.”

  His eyes darted to me and quickly looked away, pained at my appearance. “You look terrible.”

  “Yeah? You look like a grown man who should know better than to say that to someone who’s just gone through the crack of it. I don’t care how I look. I’m not entering a beauty contest. I’ll be in hiding, tromping through the woods with you guys. What do you care how I look? You’re engaged. You’re not supposed to be looking at me anyways.”

  Judah groaned. “I’m almost glad I’m not going with you now. There’s two of you. Best of luck to Faîte.”

  Bastien paused, and I wondered what the next jerkish thing he was going to say to me would be. “I didn’t know that about King Urien. No one does. That he knew Morgan le Fae was using you, so he sent you away? It’s noble. It’s the king the generation before us remembers. He’s been sick for decades. Some guessed he was being poisoned by Morgan, but no one took those conspiracies seriously.” He looked ahead, still offended by my ugly crying, the jag. “We have to do something. Now that we know? We have to save him. I wish I knew what the poison was.”

  “Was he a good guy before he stopped ruling?”

  Bastien’s cheek dimpled. “He was the king the kids all made up songs about. King Urien the lion-hearted. King Urien the brave. Things like that. We’d make swords out of sticks and fight over who got to be King Urien, and who got stuck being the bad guy.” His eyes grew unfocused as he recalled his childhood. “Silvain always made me be the bad guy. I guess that’s sort of fitting now.”

  I winced at the awful blow. “Oh, Bastien. I’m so sorry.”

&nb
sp; Bastien shrugged, apparently satisfied with the small venting he’d done. “Urien was a great ruler. Everyone loved him, and we didn’t have nearly the problems we do now when he was watching over Avalon. Your dad was a good one.”

  I mulled the new information over as we walked toward the well, fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt as I bit down on my lower lip. “You really think there’s a way to help him? After all this time?”

  “I think we have to try. Would you be satisfied finding Roland and going back to your life here if there was a chance to save him and get your father back?”

  “I guess not.” My stomach started churning at the prospect of meeting my dad. Not the deadbeat who didn’t want anything to do with me, but the one who’d been at death’s door for twenty-one years. The one who loved me, and perhaps needed me. I didn’t know what to do with that information.

  “Okay, could you stop that? I didn’t even say anything sad, and you’re crying again.”

  “Am I?” I wiped at my eyelashes, but it was just old tears that hadn’t dried yet. My lashes were long, so tears tended to stick around even after they’d been disinvited from the party.

  “I think it’s a problem if you don’t even know you’re doing it. Girls crying? It’s… Just stop it.”

  “Oh my word! Could you be more of a sideways butthole right now?” Hamish yelled at Bastien as I moved to Judah’s other side to get a few more feet of distance from him. “No wonder the only girl you can get is in a coma.”

  Reyn looked over his shoulder to frown at Bastien. Then he shot me a “Dude, quit harshing the vibe I’m working on your aunt” look.

  Judah tutted me. “Now, now, kids. Let’s keep the hair-pulling for later.”

  “Come here,” Bastien sighed. He tugged me to the side, letting the others march onward as he delved into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He looked around, as if he didn’t want to be caught in a scandal of… owning a handkerchief. “Here.”