Stupid Girl: A Fantasy Adventure Based in French Folklore (Faite Falling Book 4) Read online

  Table of Contents

  My Dark Days

  Lying to my Mother

  Reunited

  My New Shrink

  The Cavalry

  Parting with Demi

  Clean Start

  Mommy and Daddy and Home

  Inmunis

  Brother, Cousin, Uncle, Dad

  The Perfect Thing to Say

  Wuss, Lovely and Sweetheart

  The Cheat Sheet

  It’s Not Easy Being Green

  Groveling in the Meadow

  Kerdik’s Secret Mission

  Safe with You

  Crashing at My Place

  You’re my Home

  Lueur

  Protecting Us

  The Last Will and Freakout of Bastien

  Bed for Three

  Superman in Pain

  Kids and the Keep

  Pretty Pictures in the Orc War

  The Cold Heart of an Immortal

  The Psychotic Men I Love

  Errant Pervy Thoughts

  Superman’s Daughter

  The Dumbest Girl in Avalon

  Breathing Fire

  Roland’s True Colors

  On My Honor

  Taking Sides

  Someone to Watch Over Me

  Swept off my Feet

  Roland’s Fingers, and Kerdik’s Secret

  Mad’s Madness, and Meara’s Magic

  The Psychopath and the Princess

  Heart to Heart

  All I Have to Give

  Link’s Anaconda

  Tricks and Tatts

  Marked

  My Big Speech

  Friendly Chat with Benoit

  If the Noise Rises

  Thumbprints on my Throat

  Childhood Triggers

  Stupid Girl

  Book Four in the Faîte Falling Series

  Mary E. Twomey

  Copyright © 2017 Tuesday Twomey

  Cover Art by Shayne Leighton

  of Parliament House Book Designs

  All rights reserved.

  First Edition: January 2018

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  For information:

  http://www.maryetwomey.com

  For Jennifer Thomas,

  Who has never, ever been a stupid girl.

  And who loves me, even when I’m sure that’s all I am.

  Contents

  1. My Dark Days

  2. Lying to my Mother

  3. Reunited

  4. My New Shrink

  5. The Cavalry

  6. Parting with Demi

  7. Clean Start

  8. Mommy and Daddy and Home

  9. Inmunis

  10. Brother, Cousin, Uncle, Dad

  11. The Perfect Thing to Say

  12. Wuss, Lovely and Sweetheart

  13. The Cheat Sheet

  14. It’s Not Easy Being Green

  15. Groveling in the Meadow

  16. Kerdik’s Secret Mission

  17. Safe with You

  18. Crashing at My Place

  19. You’re my Home

  20. Lueur

  21. Protecting Us

  22. The Last Will and Freakout of Bastien

  23. Bed for Three

  24. Superman in Pain

  25. Kids and the Keep

  26. Pretty Pictures in the Orc War

  27. The Cold Heart of an Immortal

  28. The Psychotic Men I Love

  29. Errant Pervy Thoughts

  30. Superman’s Daughter

  31. The Dumbest Girl in Avalon

  32. Breathing Fire

  33. Roland’s True Colors

  34. On My Honor

  35. Taking Sides

  36. Someone to Watch Over Me

  37. Swept off my Feet

  38. Roland’s Fingers, and Kerdik’s Secret

  39. Mad’s Madness, and Meara’s Magic

  40. The Psychopath and the Princess

  41. Heart to Heart

  42. All I Have to Give

  43. Link’s Anaconda

  44. Tricks and Tatts

  45. Marked

  46. My Big Speech

  47. Friendly Chat with Benoit

  48. If the Noise Rises

  49. Thumbprints on my Throat

  50. Childhood Triggers

  51. Returning Bastien

  52. A Spanking from Draper

  53. Abandoned by my Monkey

  54. QR Code

  Broken Girl

  1. Sadness and Scrambled Eggs

  Other books by Mary E. Twomey

  My Dark Days

  I’d thought I’d known my fear maximum when Rigby took my dress and lowered me down into the abandoned well on the back end of my mother’s vast property. It turns out I was capable of a whole additional layer of panic when they moved a cover over the top, sealing me in the dark.

  I cried as I carefully balanced myself in the gently rocking wooden tub, knowing that if I tipped myself over, it might be the end for me. I worried that Lane and Draper would never find my body, that they’d think I’d run off or something. The incredible woman who raised me to be fearless would never have the closure a dead body provided. For that reason alone, I knew I needed to calm myself down and form a plan.

  Only the problem was, there was nothing to plan with. I didn’t have a ladder I could climb up, and precious few tools to make my grand escape. The terrible soldiers had even cut the rope they’d used to lower my bucket down. I carefully splashed my hand in the water, moving myself to the side of the well to see if I could feel anything I could use to climb up with. I had about three feet of space on either side of the bucket, and tried not to feel the claustrophobia I knew would start clawing at me if I let it.

  This was the price I paid for pissing off Morgan le Fae, my birth mother and feared Queen of Avalon. She and her eight sisters had each been given a Jewel of Good Fortune, blessed by the immortal warlock, Kerdik. The gem made their respective provinces more fertile, so of course, a war ensued between the sisters. One by one, Morgan slowly began absorbing her sisters’ lands when she stole their gems and left their land bereft. She would come in as the benevolent queen and offer the famine-ridden people a place to stay, if only they surrendered their region to her. Province 1 was now the largest in all of Avalon, though a few of the provinces still managed to hold onto their independence and fight the good fight. Morgan was feared, hated and beloved, depending on who you asked. She was ruthless, but provided for those in her care. With stolen resources, of course, but whatever.

  King Urien, my dad, had worried when Morgan’s obsession over the gems started taking over her life. Kerdik had blessed me when I was born with the ability to understand unknown languages, and also with a unique ability to find stuff. I could locate pretty much anything, if I concentrated hard enough. Morgan was chomping at the bit for me to take my first steps, so I could lead her to the remaining jewels. My dad sent me away with Morgan’s youngest sister, Lane, who’d been my caretaker since birth. Lane ditched Avalon and ran me to Common (that’s what the peeps down here call earth), keeping me away from even a mention of Avalon.

  Boy, h
ad that been a shocker.

  I ran my finger over the large square-shaped aquamarine stone, tracing the three diamonds on either side in the white gold vine-looking setting. Kerdik had given the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen to me when we were becoming friends, and he was just learning how to be one. I’d been warned about his temper, but to see it up close was chilling. Though I’d called for him over and over in the way he’d taught me to do if I needed him, Kerdik didn’t come for me. No one came. I was stuck in the bottom of a well, several stories down in the ground, enveloped in the suffocating pitch black. The darkness felt like it was seeping into my pores, strangling me and daring me to have a mental breakdown. Morgan wanted the ring because she guessed Kerdik had blessed it. When I hadn’t given it to her, she banished me here until I cracked. A Daughter of Avalon, still doing everything she can to get her hands on a jewel that was never hers. Some things never change, I guess.

  Bastien will find me. I repeated the promise over and over again.

  I don’t know how long I floated with nothing but my thoughts and not enough sanity, but the time passed slowly, keeping me in the dark with my mind in panic mode.

  Panic mode had never really been my thing. There was always a plan, always a way to figure things out. Between Lane and Judah, I’d never been permitted much space to freak out before one of them would redirect my mind to something more productive. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I’d just shimmied up an elevator shaft. This was nothing.

  Well, it was probably a similar fall from top to bottom as the elevator shaft, but whatever. I hadn’t fallen then. I waited until my crying subsided and my pulse steadied before reaching around to find a spot on the wall to try and climb up. The stones were slick from rain, but a couple jutted out just enough to give me hope. All I had to do was wait for the sealed well’s walls to dry a little, and I could try my hand at climbing. Of course, that meant I also had to wait for my hands and feet to dry, so I had a little time to kill. If only Andre the Giant was here. He could’ve climbed up with me on his back like it was nothing. Dude was fierce (which reminded me to stop being a baby).

  It turns out, time spent at the bottom of the well is the trickiest part, if you want to stay sane. I don’t know why my brain was being a jerk, but suddenly all my failures came flying out at me, slamming themselves in my face so that they were all I saw in the pitch black.

  Failed papers I’d worked all night on, failed tests that were so far below a D, one of my teachers had actually written the grade “Z” on it. I heard three of the cool girls on the playground in the second grade telling me they didn’t want to play with me because I was stupid. Then there was the star football player I’d had a crush on all through the ninth grade that Judah encouraged me to talk to. When I finally worked up the nerve, eleventh-grader Luke McCrary was nice enough, asking me how I did my spin kick on the soccer field. When I got the guts to ask him out, he thought I meant for tutoring. He showed up with Chemistry and History books, plus the girl he was planning on taking out after our study session. I showed up with nice shoes Lane let me borrow, and a hopeful smile that quickly crashed and burned when I realized I’d never be more than Remedial Rosie to most of the kids I knew.

  Add that to the fact that Lane had given me a necklace that changed my appearance to a girl with a hump, a lazy eye and acne, and I didn’t stand a chance at getting a date.

  Nobody ever asked me where I wanted to go to college, except for Judah and Lane. Not even my guidance counsellor, who pushed trade school brochures at me and told me there were lots of good options for “kids like me.”

  It didn’t matter that I studied harder than Judah. It didn’t matter how much effort I put in. The day I came home with Lane from our meet with the principal and my scowling teacher, ruling that I should repeat the third grade, I didn’t think life could get any worse.

  Lane hadn’t yelled. She hadn’t said anything to cheer me up or make me feel worse. She rented all my favorite eighties cheesy cult films, the whole John Hughes collection, and held me while we watched movies until we passed out in each other’s arms. I’d wanted The Princess Bride for the millionth time, but she ruled it was too perfect a movie to sully with a bad memory. The next morning, she helped me make a plan for a better third grade experience for the next year.

  I loved Lane, and knew I’d done nothing to deserve a mom as solid as her. She didn’t lavish only me with her love, either. When Judah didn’t get into MIT, she busted us both out of school and took us to an amusement park for the day, ruling that we were about to go off and conquer the world, so Judah and I should spend a little time being kids first. She even Googled all the things about MIT that didn’t fit into Judah’s master plan, and famous people in his desired field who’d graduated elsewhere. We’d eaten elephant ears and carnival hot dogs until all three of us were ready to puke. By the end of the day, Judah had a new plan, a more optimistic attitude and a sore stomach to distract him from his emotional pain. The next morning, he was at our kitchen table, college applications spread out while he and Lane filled out a new batch with all of his best qualities.

  I loved Lane for so many reasons, but taking Judah in as her own was one of the greatest on that list. I wanted to be like her, to love fiercely, even when it was hard, even when plans fell through, and even when there was no way to not repeat the third grade.

  I tightened my fist and resolved not to lose it down here. I would not forfeit my sanity to the darkness, or lose my mind to loneliness. I would not repeat the third grade ever again. I would be strong and courageous, even if I was sitting in my underwear in a bucket at the bottom of a forgotten well.

  Lying to my Mother

  When the lid overhead opened up however many hours or days later, I couldn’t open my eyes – the light was so painful. My blood boiled when I heard Morgan shouting down to me, her voice echoing off the walls and creating a confusing dissonance. “Are you ready to give me the ring?”

  More rain entered the well, frustrating me that I’d have to keep waiting longer now for the walls to dry. They’d almost been sturdy enough for me to make an attempt, but not quite. “I can’t get it off!” I shouted, trying my hand at lying to see if it would work.

  “Then I guess you should make yourself at home down there,” she spat back. “Enjoy your meal for the day.”

  I squeaked when something came flying down at me, hurling at a speed I couldn’t counter, banging off walls and landing with a bloody splat in my lap. I shrieked at the dead quail that had been skinned for me, and still had lines of blood sliding down over its body. I was horrified at the lifeless creature in my arms, and unsure what to do with it. Without thinking, I tossed it over the edge of the bucket, letting it splash in the water as the well closed overhead. Then I panicked, guessing that an animal carcass would pollute the only water supply I had. Quickly, I tipped the lip of the tub I was hugging my knees in, filling it with rainwater to the point where it was almost non-buoyant. Though I could go without food for a while, I knew depriving myself of drinkable water would ensure I died quicker.

  I had to stay alive. I had a new brother I was only just starting to get to know. Draper had recently been adopted by Lane, and the two of us had hit it off right from the start. Draper was desperate for family, and I didn’t want him to finally get a sister who would fight for him, only to lose her so soon.

  Lane and I were best friends. As much as I would never survive without her, I knew that same desperation existed on her end, too. She would find me.

  I heard Morgan’s cruel laughter above the relentless rain. Then I was sealed in the darkness, unsure if I would ever feel the grass beneath my toes again.

  Reunited

  For the millionth time in four days, I wondered what Judah was up to. If he’d gone back to his normal life, or if he’d up and done something crazy after learning about a whole new universe that fit so easily into his D&D passions.

  I was surviving on water, afraid to eat an animal whose thou
ghts I might’ve heard in passing. It’s the downside of the birth blessing Kerdik gave me. If I didn’t have the ability to hear animals, I probably wouldn’t be so unmoving in my vegetarianism. Taking a bite out of Thumper once you’ve had a conversation with him feels more akin to cannibalism than a tasty meal.

  I went over my Spanish lessons, and my chemistry notes Judah had recorded himself reading so I could memorize them. I recited every lesson I could remember, and then took to telling myself grand stories from Judah’s Lord of the Rings imagination. I couldn’t remember which one was Saruman and which was Sauron, so they were renamed “Bad Guy” and “Super Bad Guy”. I knew Judah would throw popcorn at me for forgetting.

  I hugged my knees in the cramped tub that was growing more buoyant with every passing day. That meant I was running low on drinkable water.

  I spent my sleeping and waking time with my knees curled to my chest in the wooden tub, marking the passing of the days with a visit from Morgan. When she opened up the well on the fifth day, I was expecting another dead animal hurled down on my head. I ducked and shaded my eyes, the small golf ball-sized hole above casting painful light down on me. My eyes were too used to the darkness. Though I wanted the light, now I recoiled from it, hissing like an underworld leper.