Tease Read online

  I gasped with fear and wonder as the most beautiful creature I’d ever laid eyes on was unveiled next to me. I shook as I studied every curve and crevice of her sleeping face, wanting more details, more of everything that had to do with her. I never understood the whole love at first sight thing, but in that moment, I did. I loved her. Deep in my bones, her tiny curled fingers wrapped around my heart and held it, squeezing the tears straight from it like an overfull sponge, refusing to let go. “She’s gorgeous,” I whispered.

  Von’s voice sounded unbalanced and a little insane, but I let him woo me with his crazy. “I can fix her. I’ve been feeding her a little of my blood to see if it’ll transform her into a quarter-vamp. I know traditionally only a full vampire can change someone, but maybe that’s just because no one like me’s tried it before. Just give her a little more time and keep her warm, yeah?”

  “Okay, Von.” I agreed because it meant I got to keep my daughter a little while longer. She had thin cheeks and a button nose like mine. “She’s got your chin,” I remarked, tracing with trembling fingers the arc that was precious to me. In truth, it could’ve been my chin. Philip’s chin had a cleft in it, and September’s didn’t. It was one drop of hope in my ocean of bleak nothingness, so I clung to it.

  Tears flowed out of me as Von kissed her temple and then mine. “She’s our girl. Sama’s got hideous white-blond hair, but September’s is darker.”

  I didn’t tell him that since my hair was auburn and September’s had a bit of color to it, that it didn’t actually confirm paternity. He was too in love for me to burst the bubble with logic. “She’s perfect, that’s for sure. Do you think she’d be able to talk people into stupid things, like you can?”

  A hint of a smile touched Von’s lips. “I have no doubt. She’s got your ears, which I’m guessing means she won’t listen when she’s told no.”

  I smiled through my grief that I could see coming like a giant boat-smashing tsunami. “That’s my girl.” Von swallowed uncomfortably, and I knew he could smell my blood. “Why don’t you go drink from one of the Manas in the garage? I can tell you’re thirsty.”

  “I’m fine. I won’t leave her.”

  “You’re not leaving her. You’re going into the next room so she can lay next to her mama.”

  Von shook his head. “I’m not ready to blink yet. I’m afraid if I do, they’ll take her away from us. I can save her. I can fix this.”

  Danny cleared his throat, alerting us to his presence in the room. “I brought you this. Take some time together and say goodbye.” He reached over me and handed a blood bag to Von, who gripped his brother’s arm in gratitude.

  Von lowered his voice to a whisper when Danny left the bedroom. “I’m not saying goodbye. Let’s give my blood time to work its way through her system.”

  September didn’t have a heartbeat, so nothing would work through her system, no matter how powerful the fictional antidote may be. But I wanted to believe Von because I wanted the lie to be true. I wanted to know that life would be kind to us, that after all the horror, it would give us something good to hold onto. “How much more time?”

  “I don’t know. A little while longer.”

  “Okay, Von. We can keep her a little while longer.”

  Von met my eyes and nodded, tearing a slice with his incisor through his already scabbed wrist. Then he dripped his blood into my precious daughter’s mouth.

  I closed my eyes against the image that would forever be seared into my brain. Now I knew that life would continue on as it always had, doling out breaks for others, but keeping us wrapped firmly around the throats.

  Fifteen.

  The Life Von Almost Had

  When Danny drew the short stick again and braved our grim family picnic, Von was in better spirits, now that the three of us were together, and I seemed to be on his side. “Perfect timing, mate. I want a picture of the three of us. My phone’s somewhere.”

  Danny’s mouth dropped open as dread pulled at the features I knew he preferred stoic. “I... Von, I can’t take a photo of you guys. September’s dead. I’ll not have you posing with a corpse.”

  Von’s sneer was instantaneous as his hackles rose, scaring me with his conviction. “September’s not dead! She’s not! Get out if you can’t be useful. Send in Mariang.”

  I was afraid to touch Von, but knew I was the only one who could bring him back to earth. “Von, honey. It’s alright.”

  “What have I asked for lately, huh? What have I ever asked you for, Danny? All I want is a photo of my daughter, and you can’t even manage that without a fight! It kills you to see me happy.”

  Danny shook his head, for once backing down from a fight. “You’re not happy, Von. You’re in shock. But I’ll take the photo, if that’s what you want. No problem. Mariang’s not here anyways. I had Boston take her to a hotel, in case the Manas come back.”

  Von settled down in the bed, his arm wrapping around our stiff baby to hold my elbow as he nuzzled his nose to her frozen cheek. “We have to keep her warm,” he reminded me.

  Danny could barely look at us as he took the photo, blanching when Von instructed me to close my eyes so it looked like we were taking a nap together. Danny took a few shots of September and Von, and then a couple of me and my daughter, though I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes and admit to the world that I felt haunted and hollow. I didn’t want digital proof of the madness that was seeping into my pores, setting in deep.

  “Where’s Ollie?” I asked, knowing my tether to sanity was fragile at best.

  “He’s here. He was trying to help in the kitchen when Von wouldn’t let us near September. It got a little intense, so he stepped out to get some air. I’ll send him in once he gets his stomach back.”

  “Is he alright?”

  Danny shook his head, utterly lost. “Are any of us? He wanted to get himself together before he came in here.” He cleared his throat and pocketed his phone.

  I barely paid attention to Danny, instead sinking down into the covers with Von and our stiff baby. “Von,” I whispered. “It’s been some time, and it doesn’t seem like your blood’s working.”

  Von shot me a look like I’d betrayed him. “I told you I would fix this.”

  “Okay.” I swallowed, wishing I didn’t have to be sane, that I could check out and live in a world where problems were fixable, and death negotiable. “You have twenty more minutes. If she’s not alive by then, Kabayo’s going to take her away and bury her for us.”

  “Fine. Twenty more minutes. We just have to keep her warm,” Von insisted, burrowing closer and nudging my rigid daughter against my breast.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered, tears streaming down my face as I felt my cold daughter not respond to my sore and overfull breasts.

  “Can you try to nurse her? That might help.”

  My eyes closed against the image of the very maternal thing I would never get to do for my sweet baby. My voice came out in a pinched whisper laced with unfathomable agony. “Von, this hurts me.”

  Von was in a world unto himself, scared and determined that something in his life would turn out right. That the life he’d almost gotten his hands on wouldn’t slip through his fingers. I wanted to save him from the nightmare, but I couldn’t... I just couldn’t.

  When Ollie came into the room, I didn’t have words. All I had was a trembling chin that rambled nonsense, hoping my beacon of strength and sanity would have the means to put the fragments into whole sentences of solace. Ollie kissed three fingers and pressed them to September’s forehead. Then my brother wrapped his arms around me and gently lifted so I was slumped against him on the bed, giving me some breathing room from my worst nightmare.

  “No! Get her back down here, Ollie. We have to keep September warm.” Von tugged at my arm, and though Ollie resisted, I nodded my consent, knowing that as lost as I was, Von was even further out at sea.

  “Von, I don’t want my sister doing this. It’s hurting her, and I know you don’t wa
nt that.”

  “Just a little while longer!”

  I held Ollie’s hand tight, silently begging for him to not leave me in my hour of need. “It’s alright, Ollie. I promised Von we could try for twenty more minutes. Then it’s over.”

  Ollie squeezed my hand. “Anything you want, kid. I’m right here.”

  I wasn’t delusional. I didn’t expect Von to suddenly snap to reason when Finn and Kabayo entered my bedroom when the twenty minutes of mercy passed. Von snatched September up and held her to his chest. A trickle of crimson stained his chin from his last attempt to revive our daughter with his blood.

  Danny quietly explained the situation to Finn and Kabayo. They exchanged grave nods and moved to either side of Von with the air of “this is happening, dude” to them. “She’s my daughter, and you’ll not take her from me!” Von roared. “She’s not dead; it just takes time for the vampire blood to go through her.” Then he turned to me and yelled, “Tell them!”

  I tried to hold it together while Ollie sat me up in the bed and leaned me back against the headboard. My abdominal muscles were all higgledy-piggledy, so nothing worked properly. My voice was quiet but steady. “Von, you agreed that if it didn’t work in twenty minutes, then you’d give her to Kabayo so he could bury her.”

  Von shook with rage, spittle flinging out as he wailed, “I can fix this! You don’t trust me! After everything, you still don’t trust me with our daughter!”

  My heart broke for him – for us. “Honey, of course I trust you, but you agreed. This was what you said could happen if she didn’t come back to life by now.”

  Kabayo held out his arms expectantly, a white towel draped between them to wrap my daughter in. “I promise to give her the burial of an Omen. I’ll lay her to rest in my family’s mausoleum, where a guard is always posted, if that’s okay with the two of you. You can visit her there whenever you wish.”

  Von clung greedily to our daughter, holding her face to his. His blood that had been dribbled on September’s mouth smeared across his cheek as he moved back against the wall like a cornered animal. Von looked positively rabid, hissing and baring his fangs at Kabayo, like he might snap and attack the King of Silo at any moment.

  Finn held his hands up to calm Von, but it had the opposite effect. Von drew his knife, slashing it wildly in the air to fend off the friendly advance. Finn shot me a withering look. “I don’t think Ezra wants me to hurt him, but he’s making it pretty tempting.”

  Danny drew his knife in threat. “You’ll not hurt my brother! He’s clearly touched in the head.”

  “Help me up, Ollie.” I swung my legs off the bed, taking my first steps since giving birth. I didn’t even realize what they’d dressed me in until the sheet fell off me, revealing bare legs and the rest of me clad in one of Von’s button downs that fit me like a party dress. Everything in my body felt bruised, and walking was more of an effort than I wanted to admit. Leaning on Ollie, I made my way to Von, dropping my brother’s arm when he tried to pull me back from the blade Von was too fond of brandishing. “Von? Honey? You have to give me September. You promised, and it’s time.”

  “I didn’t get to see Penny born,” he whispered, pressing the tip of the blade to his forehead and closing his eyes, each breath making his lips tremble. He was stark raving mad, and I was only a hair’s breath away from the edge myself. “But I got to be there for September. She’s my daughter, and I say when she’s dead.”

  I reached up slowly and took the knife away from his forehead, hating the image that burned in my mind. The love of all my many real and imagined lives was truly unbalanced. Von’s hand stiffened on the hilt, not letting me lower it all the way. Instead of fighting him on it, I moved the tip of the blade to my chest bone, closing my eyes through my tears as I whispered so loudly, the force shook my insides. “You’re hurting me with this, Von. Don’t make me take her from you.”

  Finn hissed at the blade poking me, his body shifting so that at the slightest hint of distress, he could pull me back. Danny crept toward Von’s side, making the whole circle claustrophobic and tense. He held up his hand behind Von and wriggled his fingers so I could see them. I knew he was aiming to bliss Von out if he didn’t hand over the baby soon.

  Von tucked his knife into his belt, still clinging to September. “No,” he growled. “I’m not giving up on her. I can’t believe you would turn your back on our daughter.”

  The slam hit me hard, punching me in my mangled guts and deflating my fight. A tormented sob escaped my lips, but I closed my mouth before another could tumble out. I gave Danny a slight nod, and his hand clamped on Von’s shoulder in brotherly solidarity. Von postured, but then wavered, his rigid spine relaxing until his eyes rolled back and his arms went limp.

  Danny caught Von and lowered him gently to my white carpet that was littered with the bloody stains of my broken life.

  I caught September with clumsy fingers and handed her to Kabayo. My horse king wrapped her tight in the clean towel, carefully and respectfully handling her tiny body, knowing it was precious to me.

  Finn supported me by holding my elbow as the world crashed and crushed with punishing force. No matter how many times Bev had tried to tell me I was the cause for all the problems of the world, I knew I wasn’t responsible for this one. This one was on the world itself, so I decided it was time to check out from my painful reality that only ever teased me with the hope of brighter days ahead. My legs gave out, and Finn swept me up before I could bang my head on the bedframe. Though I felt the heaviness of too many burdens, in Finn’s capable arms I was lighter than air.

  I watched the ceiling above me change to another, and then we were outside. Somehow I’d been wrapped in a clean blanket. Finn’s breath was soft in my ear. “Close your eyes, sinta. I’m here now.”

  Sixteen.

  I Lost my Baby

  I awoke to the smell of a clean room. Not just clean, but sterile. I inhaled deeply, letting the sting of the nothingness fill my lungs before I ventured a peek at where I was. I looked around at the small TV mounted on the wall across from my bed. I had an IV stuck in my hand, and my arms were bandaged to hide my cuts from view.

  I tried to sit up quietly, but Ollie roused from where he’d fallen asleep in the stiff chair next to my hospital bed. “October? Are you alright?” He pressed the intercom for the nurse to come in and leaned forward. “How do you feel?”

  I shrugged. “How am I supposed to feel?”

  Ollie didn’t have an answer, and when the nurse bustled into my room, I didn’t have an answer for her, either. I’d been out for an entire day, but it felt like a week. I was sore, but if the dry as the Sahara feeling in my mouth was any indicator, I was on something that was managing the brunt of the pain.

  Good. Keep it coming.

  The nurse was kind, but I wasn’t paying much attention to the specifics. I needed to take it easy, move slow. Take as much time as I needed after the emotional and physical trauma. Blah, blah, blah. “How’s Von? Where’s Von?” I asked the second the nurse left the room.

  Ollie was guarding his words. “He’s dealing with it all still. Dealing with it all finally, I guess. He spent the night in Ezra’s cell because we were afraid of what he might do to himself or Kabayo when he woke up. But Danny said he seems to be coming to terms with the fact that there was nothing you two could’ve done to save September.” Her name twisted in his mouth, and I could tell it hurt him to say her name out loud. “They let him out of the cage this morning, and he seems to be mildly human again, for better or worse. Boston and Danny are with him, pulling when he gets too worked up. He’s half delirious, honestly. He’ll be up later today when he gets himself together. Ezra’s making him stay in the mansion until he’s sure Von’s head’s screwed on mostly straight.”

  “I should get going, then. He needs me.”

  Ollie stood and gently pushed me back onto the bed when I tried to get up. “Nope. Man, I knew you’d say that, too. This is the pneumonia incident all ove
r again. You were a pill then, too. You’re staying here for the next few days until the doctor sends you home. Like it or not, you just gave birth. That requires a little downtime.”

  My voice was quiet as I thought through the trauma that hit me in waves. “I had a baby, Ollie. I had a daughter.”

  Ollie nodded once, pursing his lips as he searched for the right words. “Yes, you did. You gave birth to a full-term baby with no anesthesia and no doctor! Danny told us all how incredible you were.”

  I stared ahead at the wall, picturing September’s thin, delicate face. “She was beautiful.”

  “She was. Looked just like you. I don’t remember a ton from when you were first born, but I remember that. You were so tiny. I was afraid I might break you if I held you wrong.” He paused, examining the hard look on my face that couldn’t afford to break down anymore. “And look at you. You turned out real good, kid.”

  I waited a few beats to make sure there was no accusation in my tone. “What took you so long to come back from Sakuna?”

  Ollie wiped his hand down his face in a show of exhaustion. “It started out as me learning about Lang’s country, helping rebuild where I could. Then it turned into him helping me, trying to see if I could be taught to shapeshift.”

  I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting my brother to say, but it sure as Sunday wasn’t that. “Um, what?”

  “You’re an Omen because Bev was human and whoever our dad was is Matruculan. Half of me is Matruculan, kiddo. Lang was trying to bring out the Terraway part of me, but it’s just not there. I wanted to be able to protect you and September with some kind of superhuman ability, but it looks like you’re stuck with just me.”

  I gaped at him, floored. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  Ollie shot me half a smile, his eyes tired. “Say you love me just the way I am, and that you wouldn’t want me to change into a python, or something that could be useful in an attack.”