Trap Read online

  Humiliation engulfed me when I knew that he was right. My words came out choked, every syllable stuffed with shame. “I kissed you, and I couldn’t get enough.” My chin was quivering, but I knew I couldn’t let that be the parting message. “But it’s not enough. I’m marrying Von, and that’s not going to change just because I got confused when I was exhausted and had been drinking. It’s not enough to build a life on, and you know it.” I struggled against him, but he held me tight to the wall. “Let me go, Finn.”

  He kept me there, but his tone turned to take on a note of pleading. “But I’ve seen that life. I see it so clearly when we kiss. You live in Dagat with me.” He mashed his face to my cheek, closing his eyes in desperation. I didn’t just hear his words, I felt them permeating my very being, soaking into my skin and clutching me around the throat. He hiked up the layers of my dress so he could grip my thigh, his fingers digging into the tender inner flesh to give my leg a rough massage. “I see our life together. We go swimming and laugh during the day, and read together before bed. We make love for hours. I’ve seen it all, sinta. You’re happy with me.”

  “I belong to Terraway, Finn. I can’t be without my Pullers, and without me doing my job, you die!”

  “But I love you. I die without you either way.”

  A tear drooled out of the corner of my eye and landed on the bridge of his nose that ground into my face. It was too much. All of it was too much. “Let me go!” I cried, struggling with more conviction this time.

  After a few seconds of internal debate, Finn released me, stepping backward so I could pull in a full breath again. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what I’ll do.” He shook his head as he wiped a tear from my face and smeared it over his heart in an X. “I’ll let you go. I love you too much to watch you be with him, to see you play house with someone else’s kid.” He studied my features as I faced him, trying to hold myself together.

  Maybe I should’ve expected him to lean in for another kiss, but when my hand flew out and smacked him across the jaw with a loud “No!” the shock on both our faces was real. I stared at my hand, examining the oddity with horror. “Finn, I...”

  Finn held his cheek, blinking in surprise that our relationship was capable of stooping to these depths. Neither of us moved for several weighted seconds while the uncertain waves shifted around us. Then Finn cleared his throat and stood at attention, transforming before my eyes from wayward lover to stiff soldier. “I’ll port down to Silo and make my way to the battle to see what assistance I can offer. Good evening, Lady October.” He bowed slightly, and before I could register the verbal slap he delivered me with his formal address, he vanished in front of my eyes.

  Eight.

  Lavinia Vandershot

  I blinked at the spot where Finn had been standing until enough tears were blinked away that I could move from the wall. I picked up the spot remover and the roll of paper towels, dragging my feet to Ezra’s blood on the carpet. I felt chained to the drips, bonded to them until they were expunged from the carpet that hadn’t asked for any of this. I started scrubbing, taking no victory when one of the drops came up in the first few swipes.

  After five minutes, the carpet was clean, but I was still dirty inside. I grabbed a rag instead of the paper towel, scrubbing the same spot over and over again, digging the material into the fibers. They called out to me in mocking after having witnessed the awful woman I was.

  I don’t know how long I scrubbed the carpet for no reason, but when the front door opened after a courtesy knock, I knew it had been too long – and still somehow not long enough. I didn’t even look up when Graham came in with several accompanying shuffles of feet. “Hey, love. We made it safely home. Kabayo had a few of his men port us out after Sama’s army retreated. It’s all calming down. Pretty anticlimactic battle, if you ask me.”

  “Is everyone alright? Did Ollie make it back?” My voice caught on the last sentence, and I knew it was obvious I’d been crying. I kept my head down and scrubbed at the spot more vigorously.

  “I think so. I requested we be brought here. I know Danny was taken to the mansion. Alton, too. Darling, are you alright?” Graham was always considerate, but I wished he was less observant this time around.

  Boston chimed in with, “She’s doing her touched in the head cleaning thing. Of course she’s not alright.” He walked into the kitchen, opened my fridge and pulled out a beer, using the bottle opener on his key ring to get to the cold beverage. I knew he wasn’t capable of drinking without spilling a few drops. “You want I should put on a pot of tea for you, Mum?”

  “Sure, sweetie. Thank you. Lady October, let me get that for you. It’s not right for you to be cleaning the floor like a commoner.”

  I froze, my eyes still on the carpet. I hadn’t realized Von’s mother had come in with them. Here I was, splotchy-faced and kneeling on the floor, cleaning a spot that didn’t exist. I cleared my throat a few times before answering. “It’s okay, Ms. Vandershot. I’m almost finished.”

  “No, she’s not,” Boston corrected me, making me cringe. “When she gets worked up, this one cleans the whole house from top to bottom.”

  Of course Von would walk in through the garage door right then when I was the lowest of the low in front of his mama. “The first person to talk above this level suffers my interminable wrath.” Von’s voice was just above a whisper. “Anastasia just fell asleep, so if you’re even thinking about breathing loudly, sod off.” He went into our bedroom and lay Ana down in her bassinet, coming out with a loud harrumph as he rolled back his shoulders to shake out his arms. “She’s a beauty, that one, but boy, can she scream. I’m thinking opera singer for her future career.”

  Boston reached over me and handed Von a beer. “I see an angry protester in her. ‘No more naps! No more naps!’” He pumped his fist in the air to pretend like he was at a rally.

  Ezra poked his head out of Ollie’s bedroom. “Lavinia Vandershot, as I live and breathe. How do you keep getting younger each time I see you?” He strolled out, rolling up the sleeves of Ollie’s blue dress shirt I’d given him to wear. It was slightly tighter than his usual clothes, showing off the tones lines of his physique. I noticed Ms. Vandershot observing his form with appreciation.

  Ms. Vandershot batted her hand at Ezra’s compliment, and I noticed a slight blush climb in her cheeks. “Your eyesight’s failing you, old man.” She moved over to him, and I watched as the two kissed on both cheeks like old friends. “I heard rumor you took an arrow out there. Come now, let me see.”

  I scrubbed at the carpet as Ms. Vandershot inspected the wound I’d sutured shut. Ezra was actually blushing at being on display, and I wondered errantly if they’d ever had a thing together.

  Ezra cleared his throat after he’d been ruled fit to live and tucked his shirt back in. “It’s lovely to see you again, Lavinia. Do stop by the mansion during your visit. My room is always open to you.” He caught himself too late. “Rooms! Many separate rooms for you to take up in, should you like.”

  Von’s gaze met mine in excitement that was mingled with horror. We shared a shocked, silent gag as we visualized our parents hooking up.

  “Thank you for the invitation. It’s most kind of you.”

  “Yes, well. I must be off. I’m not ready to stay with my granddaughter just yet, I’m afraid. October Grace, might I borrow Oliver’s car?”

  “Sure, Dad. Keys should be on his dresser.” I scrubbed at the carpet, hoping to lose myself in the fibers as Ezra left.

  Von set his beer on the coffee table and knelt in front of me, lifting my chin so I couldn’t hide in plain sight anymore. “I’m here now, so you’re going to sit on the couch while I clean the carpet.”

  Graham sighed. “But it’s clean, mates. Not a spot on it.”

  “Then I’ll clean it until November tells me it’s good enough.” Von removed his suit jacket and folded it over the side of the couch, draping his tie overtop. He rolled up the crisp, black sleeves of his dress shir
t, not taking his eyes off the scrubbing I couldn’t stop doing. He carefully took the rag from my unsteady hand with no judgment in his kind eyes. Then the man I loved got down on his hands and knees in front of me, and started swiping at the carpet. “Go sit on the couch, Peach. You haven’t slept in ages.”

  “Neither have you. Don’t clean the floor. You don’t need to do that just because I’m...” I was going to say “crazy,” but bit my lip, afraid of tipping my hand too soon to his mama.

  “Because you’re a beautiful woman in a dress? Because you’re an Omen, and this isn’t your job? I’m here to make sure nothing bothers you. If this carpet’s bothering you, then I’ll fix it.” He scrubbed at the carpet, unperturbed that there was no stain.

  I sat back on my heels on the floor and watched my boyfriend prove that he loved me just the way I was. Von knew me, and despite his knowledge, he loved me, down to the sick and unstable bones. I watched him work, marveling at the striking man I was lucky enough to be stuck with. “It’s clean,” I ruled, not even looking at the carpet.

  “Well, fancy that. I think you’re right.” Von put the rag and the cleaner aside, kneeling before me and scooping me in his arms so my weary head could rest on his chest. Our thighs were touching, so I knew he could feel the tremble in my unsteady body. “What else is troubling you, lovely girl?”

  “My sister’s dead, and my other sister’s in a coma,” I whispered, my hand bunching in his shirt. “Can you fix that?”

  “No, but I can draw you a bath. Let’s get you cleaned up before Ana wakes, and then we can figure out this parenting thing together. Start fresh.”

  I wanted to sob at the thought that Ana never slept more than an hour or so at a time before she’d wake up screaming. I sagged in Von’s arms, closing my eyes and wishing the world would just leave us the crap alone for a whole day.

  Ms. Vandershot spoke up in an authoritative tone, making my spine straighten. “I’ll be watching my granddaughter tonight. I was thinking of checking into a hotel nearby. I’ll take her and the boys. Give you two a night to sleep.”

  I opened my mouth to protest, but Von spoke first. “Thanks, Mum. That’s all we need. Just one night to sleep a solid eight.”

  “Von, I’m not going to make your mama sleep in a hotel. You can stay here, Ms. Vandershot. It’s no problem. We’re happy to have you and your family here.”

  “Nonsense, dear. You’re barely upright. I won’t take no for an answer. When Anastasia wakes up, we’ll take her to the nearest hotel. We’ll see you tomorrow for dinner. Is that alright?”

  I wanted to protest, but all that tumbled out of my mouth was a grateful, “Thank you. Thank you so much. I promise I can handle it. Just one night of sleep would be so helpful.”

  “You’ve been looking after my granddaughter. It’s the least I can do, and while I’m here, I hope you’ll let me do more. You reap to save Terraway, and you’ve been given the future Omen to care for? How many ways are you being expected to save a world that wasn’t yours to begin with? It’s absurd you’ve had to do this much. Both Von and Ezra have told me how gracious you’ve been about the whole thing. I’m here now, so I can take at least one responsibility off your plate for a while.” She turned to her youngest son. “Boston, could you show me to Anastasia’s things? Let’s pack her a bag. Graham, why don’t you pack up you and your brother for a night or two away.” She shot me a flicker of a smile. “In fact, pack enough for a whole week, just in case.”

  Nine.

  The Nightgown and the Night

  When I got out of the bathtub, I finally felt clean enough to lay in my white sheets. Von had helped his mama with Ana, giving her directions to the hotel five minutes away. I took my time brushing my hair and changing into a nightgown Mariang had bought for me, and Von had laid out on the counter next to the sink. I caught occasional glimpses of Von’s toned silhouette through the shower curtain as I brushed my teeth, and he washed the horrible day off himself.

  I poured myself another finger of Scotch, drinking quietly by myself at the kitchen table when Von came out in his boxer briefs, freshly shaved and smelling like the kind of man you want to see in nothing but his underwear. “Where’d you get the good stuff? I thought you only kept beer and vodka around the house.”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  He poured himself a glass and sat down across from me. “I heard from Ezra while you were in the bath. Ollie, Alton, Lynna, Danny and Mason are safe at the mansion. The council’s convening as soon as they sort out what’s what. Ezra’s going back down to Silo to help Kabayo sort out the damage. Apparently, there were limited casualties, however the councilmembers were all wounded, except for you, Kabayo and Mason, of course. It’s like Sama was sending a message.”

  “Message received. I almost want to go to sleep without you just once so I can thrash him right good for everything.” I rubbed my forehead while Von stilled.

  “If that’s your idea of a joke, you have a terrible sense of humor. You can never, never sleep without me as long as Sama’s alive. I mean it. He could put you in a coma, just like Allie. Once he has you, he’ll never let you go.”

  I was quiet for a second as I let that thought settle over me. “For a second tonight, I thought Ezra might bleed out and die in my arms on the day of his daughter’s funeral. I’m just... I’m barely holding on anymore.” I finished my drink faster than my throat was comfortable with, but I managed to swallow the last mouthful with only a minor wince. I ran my hand across my chest bone, and noticed my pink X-marked scar on my forearm was glowing with a faint blue. “Something’s wrong with Kabayo. Not dire, but he’s real worked up. I can feel it.”

  “What happened with Finn while I was gone?” He crossed his arms over his chest when I looked up at him, caught. “You think I didn’t notice part of your cleaning frenzy had something to do with him?”

  I chose my words carefully, not ready to spend our only night we could actually sleep lost in a fight. “Finn’s not going to be an issue anymore. I think I made things clear enough.”

  Von studied my face and nodded. “You know, that’s just evasive enough to work tonight. Well done. If you ever want me distracted so I can’t interrogate you, wear exactly that.”

  “What, this?” I asked of the nightgown. It was white, with thin, silk straps. The gown was loose, but still showed a hint of my curves. It fell mid-thigh with a lacy ruffle on the hem and a small slit up the side. Mariang had bought it for me, knowing I’d never have the guts to go into a store and walk out with something like this.

  “Like you don’t know you’re toying with me.”

  “Hello, you picked it out from my drawer.”

  “Yes, well, apparently, I love torturing myself.” Von finished his Scotch and set our glasses in the sink, sighing when I stood at his side and started washing them. I knew he wanted to go straight to bed, but I wouldn’t be able to rest if there were dirty dishes in the sink, growing whole planets of bacteria. “I think it’s time we get some sleep, darling.”

  We went to the bedroom hand-in-hand, sliding into the covers and pulling them tight around us. Von slid my nightgown up to my waist in the dark, toying with the band on my underwear lazily. He kissed my lips just enough to make me swoon, but not nearly enough to sweep us both away. The blue and gold started to fall like pitter-patters of rain around us, and the bells tinkled a lovely tease of a song that muted out all other sounds. My legs fell open as Von moved atop me, deepening the kiss as he sucked on my tongue, his body moving like a slow-motion wave over me. I could see our park, but just when my feet were about to step down, the magical world faded.

  Von rolled off of me and lay staring up at the ceiling, his hand on his chest. “I want to set a date for the wedding,” he said, catching me off-guard.

  “Um, okay. I’m a little too tired to get out my schedule, but we can talk about it at least.”

  “We should start thinking about what we want. I know there’s a fair amount of duty on our shoulde
rs, but it can’t always be everyone else pulling our strings. We have to choose a few things and stick to it.”

  I mulled this over, liking the logic that put the drama of Terraway on the back burner. “We haven’t actually talked about what kind of wedding we want. What are you thinking?”

  Von laced his fingers through mine under the covers, and then dipped his toe under my calf to coax my leg to drape over his. His thumb lifted the edge of my nightgown and traced the inside of my thigh. He drew ticklish circles into my sensitive skin, scrambling my brains to where I would’ve said yes to whatever ridiculous kind of wedding he wanted. “I was thinking Fiji or someplace tropical for the honeymoon. I’m bored of Georgia. I want something new, something beautiful.”

  “Works for me. Anywhere that’ll put a stamp on my passport, I’m cool with. What about the wedding itself? What kind of big day did you want?”

  “Ah, now that’s your department. I’m all about the honeymoon. I’m seriously rethinking this whole virgin until you’re married thing. Were we set on that?”

  “I think so.” I debated a few seconds, but decided our lives were too harrowing on a daily basis for me to enjoy something that was meant to be amazing and special. “I don’t have any wedding plans swimming around up in here.” I orbited my hand around my head like it was a globe. “I was kind of thinking about eloping.” I held up my hands to stave off any protests that might spill out. “Hear me out. Any kind of big deal thing means the council will have to be involved. You saw what happened when Sama knew they were assembling in Terraway. I don’t want Ezra to get shot in the back with an arrow on my wedding day.”

  “Blood on a white dress would be agony to scrub out, sure.”

  “When I think about marrying you, my imagination goes straight to our Brady Bunch life. I don’t think much about the actual ‘I do’s.”

  Von spread my legs wider and tickled the inside of my thigh with the tips of his fingers as he mulled over my suggestion. “Can I wear a tuxedo? I look like a British spy in a tux.”