Lucy at War Read online

  Jamie? I called, aching for my friend. I’d caved and denied our purpose. I’d given in and let the enemy decide the rest of my life for me. I deserved the silence that greeted me, though I knew it wasn’t on purpose. The bond was muted, and I felt hollow, a gnawing ache that ate at what was left of my stomach lining.

  The man tipped a cup to my lips, giving me small swallows one at a time so my stomach didn’t reject the little it had to work with. He was tender, and I was beyond vulnerable. I was pathetic, and I hated myself for it. He seemed to understand and kissed my forehead with his mustached lips, which was no longer quite so oily. I glanced down and noticed for the first time that I was wearing different clothes. It was a tribute to my besotted state that it had taken me this long to notice. That, and the dim light provided by my arms didn’t give a ton of clues as to the details of my new life in captivity. I was wearing new green hospital scrubs. I shifted and realized I was wearing new underwear and had been bathed while I was out. Panic gripped me again at strangers deciding things for my body I’d not given them permission to.

  The man lowered me down gently as if he completely understood my anxiety, though I knew I hadn’t spoken a word. “I had a female nurse bathe and dress you. You’re safe, now that I’m here. Nothing bad will happen to you while I’m around.” He leaned over me and kissed my forehead again, adding a fair amount of pressure to center my spluttering brain. He smelled of a mountain-like manly body wash. I exhaled into his clavicle, permitting myself to believe him, even if it was a lie. It was a beautiful lie, so I clung to it as truth, holding it in my heart so I didn’t drift away.

  The older man pulled away and sat up beside my limp legs on the bed, angling his body so he was looking down on me and had full access to touch my face. Everything was confusing, but that was the most unsettling. I didn’t like strangers touching my face – that much I knew. At the risk of earning the wrath of the only person who’d been good to me, I turned my cheek away from his soft caress, making my preference clear.

  His hand froze, and then retracted in apology. “I’m sorry. You’re right, you don’t know me. I’m Captain Six, short for Sixten. I knew your mother a very long time ago. Long before she crossed over to the Other Side, which is where you are now.”

  I’d suspected as much, but it was nice to have the world I was in confirmed. I turned my face to look at him in the dim illumination cast by my arms. I had to squint so my eyes didn’t wuss out on me, but it was good enough. Six was older, perhaps fifty, with thick black hair that had wisps of gray tickling his sideburns and a trimmed mustache. He was sort of handsome in that way adult women swoon over George Clooney, and the uniform bridged any gap to complete the picture of authority. He had kind brown eyes beneath salt and pepper eyebrows, but I could tell he knew how to erase the sweetness on a dime when needed. He was tall, like a true Undran, and his bulk was somewhere between Jamie’s and Jens’s.

  When I said nothing, he continued to fill the silence he assumed was uncomfortable for me. “You’re undergoing treatment.”

  Treatment? Treatment for what?

  My eyebrows must’ve said as much, because Captain Six answered me. “They took extreme measures with you. To be honest, we’ve never attempted to sever the bond, so we’re a little out of our league. But not to worry, we’ll find a way to break it. We just need more time.”

  Break it? Break the bond? Like, the laplanding link to Jamie? Where was Jamie? I shook my head and tried tapping my temple to communicate I couldn’t reach Jamie, but all I managed to do was poke myself in the jaw.

  The captain misunderstood and assumed I wanted more food, which I actually did. He brought the tray to the bed and sat beside me, his back against the wall as he brought me into his arms again to prop me up. I hated that I had to trust him. I despised myself for letting him feed me small bits of a banana that would undoubtedly keep Jamie from me. What were they doing to him while I was being cared for? I knew he was still there, but I was met with a fuzzy fog that kept me from him whenever I tried reaching out.

  When I finished the last of the banana and a few more swallows of water, I could feel small amounts of lucidity creeping back to me, though I dared not act on any of it. The desk in the corner had papers on it, but I wouldn’t go near it even if I could. I didn’t want to be thrown back into that cell. I would be the best prisoner they had ever seen and cause no problems. I would be silent, since it seemed that was what they liked. I would eat when they fed me and blink when they told me.

  My arms glittered, despite the lack of an overhead light to reflect off of. I was my own light, and now that Captain Six was here, they wouldn’t take that away from me anymore.

  A knock sounded at the door, so Captain Six laid me back down on the bed and left the room to speak with the person. I heard an angry exchange I couldn’t decipher, followed by the captain coming back to my bedside with a clipped, yet apologetic tone. “We’re moving you. Part of your treatment. Our facility has to remain hidden, so much that the infrastructure needs to stay a mystery to outsiders, which, I’m afraid you are.” He lifted my hand and leaned over me to press my limp fingers to his chest. “I know it’s not ideal, but we have to sedate you to move you.”

  Right on cue, a man in blue hospital scrubs wheeled in a cart with tubes and syringes on it. Even in the barely there light, I saw enough details to give full birth to a level of panic I didn’t know I could reach. I shook my head and burrowed away from the captain, edging my uncooperative body toward the opposite side of the bed. Eyes wide with terror, I pushed myself off the bed, landing with a thud on a concrete floor. My bleat of agony was silent. They’d trained me so well with that cursed shock collar that I was afraid to make a noise. My wrist cracked horribly when I tried to push myself off the floor. My legs weren’t working – a product of not being able to walk or even stand for months on end. I tried to army crawl away, but knew it was futile.

  Captain Six picked me up like the useless ragdoll I was and kissed my cheek, his mustache prickling my skin. His voice was like a tender lover’s as he cooed softly to me, “You shouldn’t run from me, Hildy. I can take care of you this time. Rolf got you killed, but I could’ve saved you. I can still save you.”

  My stomach churned, instantly ill at the old man looking at me with Romeo eyes. Horror gripped me when he called me my mother’s nickname. I tried to twist away from him, but it was no use. Bile rose up in me at the sickness I could now see in Six’s kindness.

  The male nurse in blue hospital scrubs jabbed a needle in my arm, and my body started to go limp. I was at the mercy of a sad man who was in love with my mother. There would be no peace in the darkness that took me under once again.

  Seven.

  Trying

  The darkness of the medicine-induced slumber lasted longer than my normal fitful sleeps. I used the opportunity to make a mad dash to Jamie as soon as I reached a solid REM cycle. In my dream, I was fast. I ran like an Olympian and never grew tired of the freedom that came with the ability to use my legs for all they were worth. I called out to Jamie as loud as I could down the hallway that our brains shared. There were no collars here, nothing to shock me into silence.

  It took a solid minute of searching, but when the sight of his face reached me, I started sobbing without shame. We ran toward each other, and just before I crashed into him, I jumped up and landed in his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist as I clutched my friend, my one touchstone in this soulless place. Jamie! Jamie! Where have you been?

  Where have you been? he asked, tears falling down his cheeks and running into his thickening beard. I told you not to eat the food! It cuts us off from each other. Never again, Lucy! I can’t hold on much longer! I’m losing my mind in this cell!

  You’re still in your cell? I inhaled the scent of him. Though it was all memory and dream, I conjured up the oatmeal cookie smell I always associated with Jamie. I kissed his cheek over and over, burying my lips in the softness of his chestnut beard. Jamie, where are you? You
can’t be far if I don’t have a headache.

  I haven’t moved! I’m wasting away slowly in the same spot I’ve been since I got here. You’re out? How? Did you escape?

  No! I responded mournfully. This man, Captain Sixten, got me out. He seemed okay at first. Fed me, took me to a room with a bed. But then…

  Jamie jumped to the wrong conclusion, his face draining of color. No! No, Lucy! He didn’t touch you, did he? Damn these chains!

  I shushed Jamie, trying to exercise a level of calm I didn’t totally feel. I ran my fingers through his hair that our imaginations had made clean and devoid of grease. He didn’t do anything like that. But Jamie, he’s off. He called me Hildy, which was my mother’s nickname. He knew her, and either he keeps getting confused and thinks I am her, or he wants me to be the her that left him or whatever. It’s real messed up, and I’m afraid to wake up. But no, he hasn’t done anything gross. I can barely move, and they knocked me out to move me around to a new room.

  Jamie bellowed his frustration into my hair. We have to get out of here! What haven’t we tried? Jamie stilled, his death grip on my ribs loosening. Wait, did you say you’re out of your chains?

  I nodded. But I’m too weak to move.

  Porting! Jamie said, his angst shifting to Christmas-morning level of excitement. You’re an elf, so you can port! The irons prohibit porting. That’s why the jail cell in Elvage was made of iron. But your irons are off now? Do it! Port yourself to my cell, and then yank us out.

  What little hope there was in my face fell at his suggestion. Jamie, I don’t know how to do that. I can’t port. No one’s ever even tried to teach me. Besides, wouldn’t I have to know where I’m porting to? Like, be able to visualize it at least? I have no clue where you are.

  Jamie dropped me so I stood in front of him, his face angry at what he assumed was laziness. You have to try, Lucy! You can’t just give up like that. It’s our only hope. Our only way out of here.

  But it’s not a real way! It’d be just as easy for you to port us out of here. I have way less magical experience than I’d need to do something like that. Be reasonable, Jamie! I’ve never done even the simplest magic!

  No, you need to stop being reasonable! The old Lucy wouldn’t just give up. She’d find a way! Jens called you Moxie. This isn’t you! He shook my shoulders until my teeth rattled. What are they doing to you?

  I don’t know! I sobbed. I was a pathetic mess, and the angry look in his eyes told me just how ashamed he was at my defeat.

  I won’t comfort you if you’re not going to even try. I won’t hold you while we slowly die anymore. If you want to talk to me, don’t come back until you have a plan.

  Then Jamie did the most horrible thing he’d ever done to me. My big brother turned from me and walked away.

  Stop! Wait! Jamie, no! Please don’t go! Please don’t leave me! I need you! When he didn’t turn back to me, I shouted, I don’t know how to fix this! I’m not Alrik!

  Then a thought occurred to me. It was so simple, I instantly felt stupid for having pushed it aside. I wasn’t just Alrik’s daughter. I was my father’s daughter. My dad was a wind elf. Though I didn’t have even the basics down for holding onto my magic, wind could be a useful tool if I could learn to harness it.

  My shoulders sank. I couldn’t command anything. I couldn’t even stand. Jamie? I called. Though he didn’t answer, I knew he could hear me. I think I need your help.

  Eight.

  Useless Domslut

  Jamie was a thorough teacher, for someone who didn’t possess elfin magic. The iron on my wrists had kept me from practicing, but Captain Six had removed my shackles from me. I was ruled harmless, which was a slam all on its own.

  I awoke after a lengthy lesson in magic with Jamie, finding myself in a room no bigger than Six’s. It was a square space with a single cot, and a desk in the corner. It seemed like a template they must’ve copied from room to room.

  They?

  Finding out who had their hooks in me was job one. Getting out was job two. My homework from Jamie was to use my newfound freedom to build up my muscles again. I could barely sit up against the wall that served as a headboard. My legs were useless, but I tried not to focus on that. I wished that my wind control was such that I could whoosh myself up to standing, but part of me knew that wasn’t within the realm of possibility.

  Don’t get ahead of yourself. You still have yet to show any aptitude with wind. Jamie and I had been at this all night and day, clinging to our connection lest it be taken away. Try it again.

  I blew on my fingertips as Tucker had done when he tried to get me to locate my magic. He’d used the brief window that I accepted tutelage from him to make pervy comments, which gave me yet another reason to hate him. When we get out, we show no mercy for Tucker. Kill first, explain to Jens later. Jamie and I both winced at mention of Jens. We’d been shocked so many times while hearing his voice. The pain associated with his memory became engrained, and completely unfair.

  Focus, Lucy! Follow the heat.

  Right, sorry. I breathed again onto my fingers that were pressed in supplication in front of my chest. Heat was a difficult thing to feel, but I did my best to catch onto the thread and trace it through my body. I made it all the way to my elbows before I lost it. I’m getting better.

  Still not close enough, though. You haven’t been able to follow the power down to your stomach, which is where your magic is held. I need you to concentrate harder.

  Really? You want that? How about I turn off the TV first and put away the popcorn. You want me to concentrate? Oh! You should’ve said so in the first place. Captain Six had fed me four simple meals in the past two days. I was regaining a little of myself with every bite. This was unfortunate for Jamie, who received the brunt of my frustration in the form of sarcasm.

  Jamie was patient, biding his time through my fit. Are you quite finished?

  I huffed, pressing my palms together. I was grateful the captain left me alone for large stints during the day. It gave me a lot of time to practice. Not that trying over and over to get past my elbows did a darned thing. My eyes squinched shut, my dry lips pursed together and I willed all that I was into the heat. It felt like a vine inside of me, but it was slippery somehow, and hard to hold onto.

  After two more hours of this, I admitted defeat. It’s no use. Something’s blocking me from bridging that connection. I don’t get it. Maybe too many magics in me caused a short?

  Jamie’s tone was kind, albeit bored. You’re not short. You just feel that way compared to all of us. I’ve seen enough of your kind to know you fall somewhere in the middle.

  I smiled. I meant something else, but thank you. I guess Tor was right when he said halfies weren’t as useful. Muddied genetic pool or something.

  Jamie laid down on the carpeted floor of my psyche, no doubt tired of watching nothing happen all day long. I’ve never known a h-halfy to have a firm grasp on their magic, he admitted, clearing his throat over his unexpected stutter. I just thought if anyone could break the mold, it would be you. He preferred hanging out in my brain to escape his, and I welcomed the company now that Captain Six saw to them not poisoning us anymore. The situation was still dire, but it was a wonder what a little food did to a person’s mood.

  Thanks, big brother. The thing about a good brother is that they know when to push you and when to back off. I’d had Linus, who’d been a pro at that, and now Jamie. A girl would be lucky to have one brother in her life, but now I had two.

  Jamie picked a few errant thoughts from my mind, returning my smile. I love you, too. I never loved my own sister as much as I care for you, nor have I felt love from her as I feel your affection for me.

  You’re just saying that because she tried to kill you, I joked glibly.

  Captain Six entered the bedroom I was being held in, interrupting and evaporating my time with Jamie. As usual, I scooted as far away from him as I could, regarding him with wary eyes and distrustful body language. Though I coul
dn’t speak, I wanted the “stay away” vibe to ring out like a gong. Lucy Kincaid would not play nice with strange men.

  The captain set down a tray on the nightstand, looking over at me with a hopeful smile I suppose had a touch of warmth to it. “Good morning,” he breathed, looking at me as if I was the Holy Grail. “I brought you some fruit. Do you think you could try a few bites?”

  I blinked at him, unwilling to answer, lest he think we were friends and I trusted him. To be fair, I had a small fraction of trust for Captain Six only in the sense that I ate the food he brought me. It hadn’t taken Jamie away from my mind, so I trusted him only inasmuch as him not tainting my food, and my biological imperative to eat.

  The captain set the tray between us, offering the food without feeding it to me. Since I’d regained basic motor function in my arms, I didn’t require assistance. He’d learned from our last meal not to try that nonsense again. He’d tried to put a piece of a roll in my mouth. It was promptly spat out and the tray knocked over. I knew I risked my privileges being taken away, but I had standards. I wasn’t going to be his pet or his girlfriend or whatever this was. He’d cottoned on to the rules and adhered to them for the most part.

  He still called me Hildy. Ain’t no shrink qualified enough to wade through that.

  “I thought you might want to have breakfast with me in the cafeteria,” he said, making sure to keep his voice soft so as not to invoke the crazy in me that was too near the surface. He leaned down and whispered, “If you’re very good, they’re going to let me keep you.”

  I shuddered and screamed in my mind.

  “Once you’re better, you’ll stay here with me.”