Ugly Girl Read online

  It was a little intimate for me, but I swallowed down my confusion and discomfort and tried to be polite. “Hey, it’s okay. Whatever it is you want to tell me, I’m all ears. Go nuts.”

  I could hear his elation in the silent laughter that lit his long features. He had rounded cheekbones, like Reyn, but longer ears and nose. When he started to explain things to me, his face fell. “A few years ago, the healers were asked to rehabilitate the soldiers who’d taken the Queen’s loyalty oath to Morgan le Fae’s throne. The potion was barbaric, melting the men’s skin and leaving some dead if they didn’t ‘pass her test.’” He shook his head, his plump lips in a firm line as his black ponytail swooshed back and forth.

  “Yikes. I think we ran into one of those dudes. Silvain was all acidy like that, and so was Armand.”

  Remy nodded vigorously, enraptured that we were having a conversation. “Yes! They were two of the many who took the oath and survived. Us healers decided we couldn’t be part of the ritual in good conscience. We as a group refused her, some more vocal about the dangers of the potion than others. The people we told passed on the warning to others, and pretty soon soldiers were starting to take their names off the list, refusing to undergo the swearing of her oath.” Remy opened his mouth, revealing teeth and… nothing. There was a gaping empty space where his tongue should have been.

  I gasped, covering my mouth in horror at the clear injustice. Then I realized I was being super rude and toned down my shock as much as I could. “Dude, what happened? Where’s your tongue?”

  “She took our tongues to silence the uprising that was starting against her.” He clutched my hand, holding my fingers tight. “I haven’t spoken to anyone since. None of us have. We use hand signals and quills with parchment. Right now you’re not hearing my voice; you’re reading my thoughts.”

  My worry was clear on my face that I’d intruded on something so private. I would be horrified if someone read my thoughts. “I didn’t mean to! I swear! I just heard you talking as if you were saying it all out loud. Remy, that’s horrible! How could Morgan do something so vicious?”

  “Bastien told me, but I admit I wasn’t sure. It’s said the Lost Princess of Avalon could hear unknown languages. We all just assumed that meant you could speak to animals, since they flocked to you from birth. You’re Morgan le Fae and King Urien’s daughter. You’re the Compass, the Voix. Rosalie of Avalon, the Lost Princess.”

  My neck shrunk into the collar of the flannel shirt as I tried to hide from the fairytale labels. “Well, when you say it all together like that, it’s going to sound like some grand title, but I only just found out about all that lineage and whatnot like, not even a week ago.”

  Remy remained on his knees with unshed tears sparkling in his eyes. Then he lowered his shoulders and bowed to me. Actually bowed. “Daughter of Avalon, if you can give me a voice, I swear to you this day I will follow you to the ends of Faîte. I will fight beside you and win battles in your name. I’m utterly at your service. Please allow me to take the Vow of the Guardien.”

  I grimaced, completely confused and out of my element. I hadn’t even been able to get someone to do the seesaw with me in the first grade, but this dude wanted to follow me to the ends of his world? “Whoa! That’s not necessary. I’m not my mom. I don’t need you to sign your life away to me. I don’t even know what the Vow of the Guardien is. I’m happy to help you talk to people whenever you like. Just tell me, and I’ll translate. It’s really not a big deal. I just don’t understand how I’m hearing you, but no one else can.”

  “Whatever miracle made it possible, I’m grateful for it. I’ve been silent for so very long.”

  He was still on his knees, head bowed, so I leaned forward as gracefully as I could manage and placed a clumsy hand atop his midnight hair. “I’m here now, and I won’t be mean to you like my mom was. I’m a safe place, alright?” I gave his scalp a sumptuous scratch to lighten the mood, and tugged on his ponytail. “Now tell me all about yourself. I’m listening.”

  25

  The Vow of the Guardien

  I’m not sure I said more than two words after that. Remy remained on his knees before me until I insisted he knock it off when he finally paused his rant of elation. “I really don’t need you to kneel like that. Maybe we could sit at a table or something?” I suggested, hinting at the fact that I was starving and hadn’t eaten a thing in who knows how long. At least I got a nap in. That’s the upside of being knocked out. They let you sleep.

  “Here’s fine. May I?” He sat next to me on the mattress and scooped up my hand. I’d never been much for handholding. Lane and I did sometimes when I could tell she’d been having a bad day. Judah and I sometimes did in our sleep, but that was under the covers, and let’s face it, totally embarrassing to be caught needing my Judah-blankie. Remy examined my knuckles carefully as he told me more about his life and his thoughts. He’d grown up the oldest of seven children, five of whom became healers.

  “Whoa. Five out of seven are now totally mute? That’s terrible. Your poor parents. Poor all of you.”

  “Yes. We used to have fun together, but now we’re a grim bunch. The youngest of us is a soldier in the Queen’s Army who actually took the Queen’s loyalty oath. Don’t think that hasn’t caused a fair amount of tension.”

  “But how could he serve her after what she did to all of you? How could anyone?”

  “You forget that there is no way out, except near certain death. He didn’t have to sign up for the loyalty oath, though. Bastien was the first Untouchable I ever met. I was barely able to keep him alive after he escaped the Queen’s Army, but he survived, which is more than I can say for the others who defected. Faîte didn’t use to be like this, but it’s gotten far more forbidding in the past few years.”

  “So I don’t get it. If Morgan le Fae’s clearly so terrible, why are there people who still serve her? It makes no sense. Who would possibly still be on her side?”

  “Those who want power gravitate toward power. Morgan le Fae is the most powerful ruler we’ve ever had. And she’s done a fair amount of good things, too. Every time she does something gruesome, there’s something benevolent that comes about around the same time to distract the public. When the healers were silenced, she lowered the taxes. When the horrid effects of the oath became clear, she made sure everyone in Avalon was fed, not just her district. It’s brilliant politics, actually. Though she’s done what she’s done to me, even I have to see some merit in many of her actions.”

  “Yikes. That’s a pretty bold statement, man.”

  “Decades ago when I was just a boy, before the Jewels of Good Fortune, things were overall fine, but poverty was an issue. The land wasn’t giving us crops as often as we needed.”

  “But then the jewels showed up, and Morgan got greedy.”

  “Morgan le Fae found a way to fix many of our kingdom’s problems. At what cost? We never fully know. She’s taken so many of the jewels from neighboring provinces over the years. Other lands whither while hers flourishes. She welcomes the stragglers, destitute and starving into Province 1. They don’t even care that she’s the one responsible for depleting their land by taking their Duchess’ gem; they only care that someone will feed them. So Province 1 increases in size, and never dips in prosperity.”

  “I guess that makes sense, but yikes. So far, not a fan of all the criminal activity from the Avalon higher-ups.”

  “Indeed. The Queen’s loyalty oath was to give the army gifts of speed, strength and determination to carry out her will. We were to have a super army of soldiers who could dig new wells as needed, build homes for those who required help, and protect our people from the creatures that have always bested us. The downside is that the potion left many of the men deformed or dead. If a soldier died, she ruled that he must not have been loyal after all. I have yet to see how her soldiers will benefit us. There have been no new wells, no houses built for the poor. Some use their superior strength to terrorize the locals. She has t
hem on a mission, though I shudder to guess what that might be.”

  “It’s me,” I said quietly, my hand still sandwiched between Remy’s. “They’re trying to find me. They tracked me down in my world and tried to take me to her. Apparently I’m some compass or something? I’m supposed to be able to find things.”

  “You’re not supposed to be able to find things, you can find them. It’s part of who you are.” Reyn stood in the doorway to the bedroom, holding Lane’s hand, who was at his side.

  Lane smiled at me, looking on my bedraggled face as if I was her sun and moon. “Reyn’s right. And when you’ve had a little training, you’ll be able to turn it on and off. Really tap into it.”

  “That’s wicked cool, Lane. You have to teach me.”

  “How about we get you to stand first?” Her eyes fell on Remy, and she frowned, her tone turning sharp on a dime. “You’ll not hold my daughter’s hand on your bed, Healer. She’s a princess. Don’t forget that just because she does.”

  Remy was embarrassed, but he didn’t drop my hand. He moved back to kneeling in front of me on the wooden floor, my fingers squished between his palms in supplication. “Forgive me, but I can’t be parted from you. I haven’t had a voice in so long. Permit me to stay with you! Please, Princess Rosalie! Let me take the Vow of the Guardien.”

  “Okay, everyone needs to chill out. First off, I’m not Princess Rosalie. I’m just Rosie. Second, Remy and I were having a friendly moment, Lane. Nothing weird. He’s been catching me up on the drama with Morgan and the healers. It’s all pretty intense.”

  “Well, be intense with someone your own age. Remy’s older than I am.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You gotta know how silly you sound. Not intense like that, but thanks for making it all awkward. It’s nuts in here because I can hear him. We’re having a conversation.”

  Reyn spoke slowly, taking in Remy’s humble posture and reverent demeanor. “How do you mean? Remy can’t talk. The Queen…”

  “I know all that. Remy told me.”

  “You mean he wrote it for you?”

  “No, he told me. I can hear him talking in his mind as clearly as I can hear animals. He wants to stay with me. With us, I guess. He wants to take some kind of oath of the guard or something.”

  Reyn and Lane (first time it hit me that their names rhyme) both gasped. Then they barreled into the room all the way to start talking at me in harsh instructional tones I couldn’t make heads or tails of because the three of them were all jabbering at the same time. Finally Lane held up her hands to quiet Reyn and garner Remy’s attention. “Remy, we appreciate the offer, but I don’t want anyone taking the Vow of the Guardien for Rosie until she knows enough about Avalon to make that decision. You can join us, but that’s the extent of it. I won’t have her living with a man I don’t know, who’s twice her age.”

  My eyebrows furrowed and my nose crinkled, but Bastien was the one to speak. I didn’t even know he’d come in. He stood behind them in the doorway, caramel eyes wide in shock as he took in the conversation with a few bundles in his arms. “You’re considering a Brownie? You’re taking a protector?” He stared at me with the sting of betrayal in his eyes before the hard edge took over. “Why shouldn’t she have a guard? It makes sense. With how often she gets hurt, it’s not a bad idea. Clumsy enough. It’d make the job easier, for sure.” Abraham Lincoln and Hamish made to come for me, but Bastien whistled them back. “Not yet, guys. Not until she can actually get out of bed.” They pouted, but sulked back into the living room. Abraham Lincoln whined while Hamish tried cheering his furry buddy up with a song. They were kind of precious together.

  Fire burned in me when I remembered how pissed I was at Bastien. “Don’t you dare talk to me about being clumsy! You threw me in a dark hole in the ground! I got bit because of you! I told you there was something down there, and you shoved me in anyway. I should take a protector to save me from you!”

  It was the fight Bastien had been waiting for. Now he didn’t have to apologize. He didn’t have to feel bad. He could just be mad, and that would be the only thing he’d focus on. I’d walked right into that one, and berated myself for being so stupid. “Oh, you need saving from me? I guess you really are a little princess.” He spoke the word like a dig, and his verbal shovel cut me deep.

  “Take that back! I’m not helpless! I’m not weak. I’ve gone along with everything just fine. I don’t need your mouth. You got me to Faîte. Great job. I’m alive. Reyn can help me find Roland. You’re dismissed.”

  “I’m what?” He reared back as if I’d slapped him.

  “Sure. If I’m the princess, then I have the power to dismiss you, right? You’re dismissed. Go back to hunting down criminals and whatnot. Go back to your fiancée. Go jump off a cliff! I don’t need the drama; I’ve got enough to deal with.”

  Lane and Reyn both groaned at our fight, but Remy took action. He stood between Bastien and me, his wary hand up to tell Bastien to back off. “If he doesn’t leave her be, I can knock him out with some hawthorn powder. But this is Bastien the Bold! Princess Rosie, he’s Untouchable. I might be hanged if I do that.”

  “For Heaven’s sakes! Don’t dowse him with whatever hawthorn powder is.” Then I turned my head to scowl at Bastien. “Leave, Bastien. Just go. You’re freaking Remy out. You don’t want to be here, and I don’t want you here. It’s a pretty clear win-win.”

  Bastien’s face soured in confusion at my words. “Huh? Rosie, how’d you know about hawthorn powder?” Bastien whipped his head to Remy. “Are you trying to dose me? That’d be just about the last thing you did, Healer.”

  I rubbed my hands over my face. “I can’t explain this all over again. Reyn, would you deal with your village idiot?”

  Reyn cast me a look that told me I wasn’t helping matters, but grabbed Bastien and all but dragged him into the main room of the home, filling him in on the whole psychic talking thing.

  Remy fell to his knees again, scooping up my hands and pledging his loyalty to me.

  I bit down on my lower lip, confused and very turned around. It began to dawn on me how very little I knew about this world, and just how dangerous that could prove to be.

  26

  Snake Spaghetti

  Remy took the bundles Bastien had left on the floor and all but ran to my side on the mattress, pulling my bare leg onto his lap and gingerly peeling off the bandage. Lane and I both made noises of surprise when we took in the horrid purple bruising that engulfed my whole calf. I could see the puncture wounds because they were black with spindly lines that crawled across my leg. The whole thing looked, well, not good. “Aw, man. That’s gnarly. Can you fix it? Can you make it better?”

  Remy’s hands trembled slightly with trepidation and wonder. “I’m holding the leg of the Lost Daughter of Avalon. So young. So beautiful. Her skin… so soft.”

  I yanked my leg out of his grip, and cried out at the sudden movement that hurt my whole body. I hissed at the jarring discomfort, but refused to cry out again. My eyebrows furrowed as I cast him a look of supreme scolding. “Dude, be cool. I can hear your thoughts. All of them, not just the ones you mean to tell me. You’ve got like twenty years on me, at least.”

  Remy was horrified, and to be fair, he was in a rough spot. He wanted to be heard, but guarding every thought could only last as long as you never had a bad one. His thoughts were rambling now, pushing together too many apologies to make much sense.

  Lane understood enough to put her foot down. “This is what I was talking about. You can’t let just anyone take that vow, Rosie. The Brownie who takes the Vow of the Guardien would be with you every day. They eat with you, live with you, sleep under the same roof.” She pointed her finger between Remy and me. “As noble as your intentions probably are, my daughter’s not moving in with a stranger who’s old enough to be her…” Her voice trailed off, and I knew she’d caught herself before the word “father” made its way to her lips. “It’s not going to happen. And Rosie? I know it’s my
fault you don’t know anything about how Faîte works. I know you don’t like me making rules for you, and back home, you didn’t need me to all that often. But here? I hate using the parental ‘just trust me,’ but in Faîte it’d be really great if you deferred to me until you get the hang of things. Is that cool?”

  I muscled through my inner teenager’s gut reaction and admitted the facts to myself: I had no idea what I was doing here. I’d almost just saddled myself with a man who… who was perfectly nice, but was perhaps not the best fit for a lifetime of palling around with. “Okay. I guess that makes sense. But you have to explain things to me, even if you’re afraid I won’t like them. I can’t go up against all the bad things I’m supposed to be stopping if I have no idea what I’m getting myself into.” My leg was burning now, any movement hurting it as the air kissed it with its jagged teeth. “I don’t know enough about this big adventure to know who I should be on it with.”

  “That’s fair.” Lane cupped my cheeks, gearing up to impart wisdom to me. I felt my heart flutter, and knew she was about to hit me with something important. Lane was gentle, letting the fire in her eyes burn her truths into my soul. “Your greatest adventure will be with yourself. Everything else is a minor plot point. Avalon is not your big adventure. A man is not your big adventure. You, baby. You’re your own adventure. The sooner you understand that, the simpler everything else becomes.”

  I blinked at her, absorbing the truth in her words and letting them relax my shoulders. Maybe she was right. As big as all of this seemed, perhaps understanding myself and how I fit into the world around me would be the thing that could light the way. Confusion always accompanied the unknown, but if I could investigate and learn about who I was, then perhaps the rest of it wouldn’t seem quite so harrowing. “Thank you, Lane. I think I needed that.”