Stupid Girl Read online

  “I’ll be dead soon, so you can cut it off my finger then,” I replied nonchalantly, as if fading away with no one who loved me around was no big deal. I would not cry in front of Morgan. I would not ask for a thing. I would not be less than the woman Lane raised me to be. I rubbed my naked sternum, repeating Lane’s mantra that had seen me through many a downward turn: Remember who you are.

  I managed to catch the bowling-ball shape Morgan threw down at me before it plunged into the water below, hoping it was a cantaloupe or something I could actually eat.

  I turned the shape around in my hands, letting the light fall on it so I could make out what I was holding. A scream like none other shot out of me, giving Morgan exactly what she wanted. The tears I promised myself two days ago I would stop altogether bloomed in the corners of my eyes and slid down my face, streaking my filthy cheeks and dropping onto the treasure I knew I couldn’t part with.

  “I thought you might like some company, my sweet. Give me the ring, and the deaths will end at Demi.”

  “Screw you!” I roared, shaking with rage. “You’re twisted! I can’t believe we’re even related!”

  “The ring, Rosalie.” She sounded impatient, like I was holding her up from tea time or something.

  “It’s staying with me until I die, you wench. And right before I die, I’m throwing it into the well, so you’ll never find it. Two can play at this game!”

  Morgan sealed me in again, today with not even the pretense of feeding me. The darkness concealed my tears and wrapped me in a hug as I shook, alone and very afraid in the well. The darkness burned into my brain the closed-eyed look of a simple nap that Demi’s face was frozen in. I sobbed as I cradled my boyfriend’s head, murmuring his name over and over again. “Demi, Demi, Demi…” The sobbing turned to horrified, heart-wrenched screaming, and I feared my sanity had slipped past the point of no return.

  He’d been my soumettre, which I’d originally thought was a personal attendant or something, but quickly learned that Demi’s services also extended to the bedroom. I was devastated when I learned that he’d slept with my mother and a few of my aunts, being traded like a baseball card when things needed to be smoothed over with tensions that always grew too high in Avalon. I’d developed a crush on Demi, which he easily reciprocated. Everyone told me it was an act – it was what Demi was expected to do for the royalty he served. But I knew it wasn’t. I knew Demi had loved me – he told me as much. He’d kept things PG with me, though he was used to far faster advances. He was sweet to me, kind and thoughtful. He kissed me like I was delicate, so I remembered to be. Demi looked at me like I was something special, warming me so that I felt like I was cool enough to flirt with the hottest guy in the room – even if he was a slave.

  Demi read to me. In my land of dyslexia, that was no small thing.

  I blubbered uncontrollably, unable to part with the last bit of him. I hugged his head, the sticky innards and pointy vertebrae resting against my bare stomach. I couldn’t be repulsed by him; it was Demi. He’d stayed with me when I was a mess, was kind to me when I was a jerk, and loved me when I wasn’t sure. If this was all that remained of the man who’d held me while I slept, then I would treasure it. Our bodies would go down together, buried in the water like lovers with no happy ending. He was my Romeo, and I would be his Juliet, stretched out over what remained of his lifeless body.

  “This isn’t how your adventure ends,” I promised him. “You are not this awful place. I’ll get you out of here, Demi. We’ll run away together.”

  My lips trembled from starvation, fatigue and grief as I kissed his hardened cheek. My fingers smoothed back his black hair from his forehead as I apologized over and over to him, as if that could fix anything. “It’s all my fault. If I’d stayed up in Common, none of this would be happening, and you’d be going about your normal life.” I clung to Demi as horrible, painful sobs retched from my soul and polluted the dank air.

  I don’t know how long I blubbered for, but as my cries gave way to quiet hiccups of grief, I clung to Demi, praying there was a way to make it all better.

  My New Shrink

  I recounted the entire Princess Bride movie to Demi, pretending he was alive, and that he was fascinated I knew every single line by heart. We were on day eleven of no food, and the water in my tub was only an inch deep. I didn’t have long to live, so I gave in to my crazy, not bothering holding on to the false hope that Bastien could find me down here.

  I winced at the thought of his name. I hadn’t allowed myself to dwell on him all that often, knowing it was too painful. There was so much unsettled between us, and I wondered if he would stay unsettled after my death, or if he would find peace. His pretend fiancée and family friend had just died, and then I would be gone shortly after. If he wasn’t a hermit before, that ought to do it.

  I held Demi to my chest and rocked him like he was my baby, singing to him like Lane used to do for me when I’d had bad dreams. I would never graduate from college, though I’d been close before my life was stripped from me by Avalon. I would never get an apartment next to Judah, so we could be separate when he finally settled down with Jill, but still together. This was the longest we’d been apart since we met, and the distance was painful, the loneliness clinging to my filthy skin in ways not even the brightest day could shake. I would never play another soccer game. I couldn’t even move my legs, so stuck was I in the tub that served as both my harbor and my prison.

  I would never get married, though I’d never given that much thought. I would never have children, and raise them with the same courage and kindness Lane had worked hard to instill in me.

  By the twelfth day, Demi was my shrink. He listened to every mistake I’d made, all my insecurities and the details of my childhood that no one except Judah and Lane knew. Demi was my very best friend now, and I told him so as I cradled him to my scabbed chest like a teddy bear.

  The rotting animal carcasses Morgan had thrown down into the water around me made the whole well stink, the decay seeping into my pores. I thought at some point I would grow immune to it, but with every inhale, all I knew was the rotting chicken smell that plagued me. After a while I became the smell, the air permeating my skin and making me one with the macabre scent.

  On the thirteenth day, I ran out of clean water.

  I laid down with Demi in my tub on the fourteenth day, when there was nothing but darkness.

  On the fifteenth day, there was light.

  The Cavalry

  I ducked my head away from the light that shone down on the sewer creature I now was. Morgan hadn’t been back in a long time, though admittedly, time was something that was difficult to measure. The rain hadn’t stopped during the entire period I’d been down here, and it fell on me now like a punishment that was mixed with a blessing. I expected Morgan’s cackle. I expected my cracked lips and dry throat to muster up some sort of “screw you” that hopefully was more triumphant than it felt.

  But Morgan’s taunting didn’t come. I knew I’d gone crazy when Lane’s frantic voice called my name. “Rosie? Rosie, is that you? Rosie, baby, are you alive?”

  My rasp was barely audible, but the acoustics of the well did me a solid and carried my weak response up the chamber. “Mom?”

  Lane broke into sobs. “Baby, I’m here! We’re coming! Hold tight for a few more minutes, and we’ll get you out of there.”

  “Mom?” I rasped, confused. “Am I dead?”

  She didn’t hear me, but two shadowed figures dipped down into the well, obscuring some of the painful light that felt like a slow death to my already fried senses. Two men were lowered on ropes that were tied around their waists.

  “Demi! Demi, wake up!” I shook the head in my arms and kissed his cheek. “Demi, we’re saved!”

  “Hold on, Daisy! Just stay right there.”

  Like there’s anything else I can do. Bastien’s voice was the sweetest sound, though I still couldn’t open my eyes to see him. The light was so painful, I could f
eel my heartbeat behind my eyes.

  I shivered as the fresh air wafted down toward me. I’d been cold for so long; I was surprised my body was still making a fuss about it.

  Draper’s cadence was fearful when he neared me. “Oh! Rosie, are you naked? She threw you down here without your clothes?”

  I was too relieved to be embarrassed. “Draper? You came for me?”

  His voice turned soft, and I could tell he was finally right next to me without looking. “Of course I did. You’re my sister. Can you lift your head, pumpkin?”

  Bastien tugged twice on the rope and called up for the other part of the team to stop lowering them. “Rosie, take my hand. Then Mad, Link and Remy are going to pull us out.”

  I tried to raise my arm, but it wouldn’t go very far. “I can’t really move!” I admitted, panicked that I might be stuck down here forever. “My limbs are too stiff.”

  “How long have you been down here?” Bastien asked, as if we had time for conversation.

  “Fifteen days, I think. Since I last saw you.”

  Draper took charge when Bastien let out a pained cry of rage and punched the stone wall. “Bastien, grab one side of the tub, and I’ll take the other. Rosie, get down low in there so the basin doesn’t wobble on the way up.”

  I did my best, but there wasn’t much space to move. I bit my dry lip and whispered a fearful, “Are you real?”

  Draper’s fingers flitted over my head, gripping my skull with a fierce protectiveness. “I’m real, Rosie, and I’m getting you out of here.”

  My weakened pulse rallied at the sound of my brother’s promise. I clung tight to Demi, curling my body around him. “We’re saved, Demi. We’re saved,” I rasped to him. Then I closed my eyes as the two men hoisted me up.

  Parting with Demi

  I whimpered from the light, and the sensation of being rained on. I hadn’t been touched in so long, and the rain felt like a hard whack instead of the gentle snuggle I needed. I could feel the light on my skin. The quiet burning made me recoil and cover myself when the tub finally broke through the mouth of the well.

  I heard a cacophony of voices shouting my name and asking me questions that piled on top of one another as they lowered my wooden bucket onto the grass. All of my muscles were constricting and writhing as they tried to recoil from the painful intrusion. I banged my free fist to my head and begged, “The light! It’s too bright.”

  Draper’s shirt was thrown over me, covering my nakedness and my eyes. My muscles relaxed in a gust of relief. I reached my fingers to the edge of the tub, silently asking for anyone’s hand to hold onto. “Can’t move!” I whispered when Lane dropped to her knees and threw her body over the tub.

  “Oh, honey. I’m here! We’ve been searching for you for weeks! I’m here now, and I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again.”

  Remy pried Lane off of me and peeked under the shirt to show me his face. “Where are you hurt?”

  “I’m not in the well,” I answered, as if that wasn’t obvious. “I’m not in the well.” My brain was skipping, unable to process much other than that. “I told you I’d get us out,” I said to Demi. “I told you your adventure wouldn’t end in this awful place.”

  Lane and Bastien worked in tandem to pry me out of the basin, but even after they lifted me out, my legs were stuck curled to my chest. I let out a raspy howl at the pain the small movements caused me. My bones felt thin, and grated against each other as my joints protested the freedom I’d been begging for. Remy was shouting at them to be careful, but of course, no one heard him.

  When Lane tucked my stiff arms into Draper’s button-down shirt, Demi rolled out of my grip and landed with a splat onto the mud-soaked earth. “No!” I eked out, scrambling as much as I could to gather Demi back to me. We’d been through too much; I wasn’t about to let him be alone now.

  “Shite! Is that a head?” I heard Madigan nearby, but kept my eyes shut as I clung to Demi.

  “Honey, who is it?” Lane’s voice was tense, but she still wore the front of trying to be brave through her tears.

  “Demi,” I whispered, my body curling around him in the mud. “He’s my boyfriend. He can’t be alone. He gets sad when he’s alone. He needs me.”

  I heard everyone take a collective step back, but I didn’t budge, clinging to my treasure for all I was worth.

  “Is tha what’s all over her legs? Is it his brains?” I heard Link ask in horror.

  I didn’t feel anything on me, but then again, I’d been too cold and numb to feel much. “His brains are fine! He’ll be fine!”

  There was complete silence, except for Remy’s errant thoughts. “She’s cracked. She’s absolutely lost her mind.”

  It was Draper who finally broke the silence, kneeling by my side and placing his hand on my shoulder. The simple touch was painful, but the lonely ache in my chest longed for it. “Rosie, I’m going to pick you up now. It might hurt, but we’ve got to get you out of here.” He turned his head over his shoulder, and his voice caught on emotion he’d been trying to keep at bay. “She’s too thin, Lane! She’s been starved down there.”

  Lane was loudly weeping now. “Okay, then. One thing at a time. Let’s get her out of here.”

  Link reached for Demi. “Here, let me take your friend. I’ll give him a proper burial, Rosie.”

  “No!” I roared, my voice cracking horribly. “We don’t like the dark anymore! You can’t bury someone in the ground if they don’t like the dark. Then he’ll be scared forever. His adventure doesn’t end here!”

  I felt horrible when I heard the sound of Lane retching. She didn’t understand. She thought I was holding a severed head, but Demi wasn’t dead. I’d spent over a week with him in the well, talking with him and trusting him with my blackest secrets.

  Bastien’s voice was wobbly. “I can’t watch this! Rosie, honey, he’s dead! His face isn’t even there anymore. You’ve got his brains all over your legs!”

  “I cheated on him!” I confessed, unable to get ahold of my swinging emotions. Draper propped me up while Madigan poured a few swallows from his canteen down my throat. “I kissed you while I was with him! I’m a whore!”

  Bastien’s voice was husky. “That’s not worth thinking about right now. Let’s get you and Demi somewhere safe, okay? Can I hold his head? Would you trust me with that?”

  I considered trust, and how much of it I had on tap. “You’ll bury him. You’ll hide him in the dark, and he’ll be afraid.”

  “No, baby. I’ll carry him and keep him safe until you tell me otherwise.”

  “Promise me.”

  “I promise.”

  Mad’s voice was grave. “Ye don’t have to do this, Bastien. I can hold it.”

  Bastien was firm. “She doesn’t trust you like she does me. I can hold it.”

  I hiccupped through my tears as I let Bastien slowly pry my treasure out of my fingers. “Promise me,” I said again, needing to hear the words again.

  “I promise.” Bastien indulged me as often as I needed.

  I heard footsteps running toward us, Link’s excited voice breaking the tension. “Berries! I found a handful in the bush over there. Here, lass. Down the hatch.”

  The first food in over two weeks hit my stomach with an acidity that made my guts roil. Draper waited a few seconds to make sure I didn’t puke, and then gently hoisted me up in his arms. I bit back a scream as everything in my body jarred when I shifted against him. “I’m here, I’m here,” he vowed. “You’re safe now. We’re going to say hello to the fine people of Province 9, who’ve been waiting to greet you.”

  “Huh?”

  “Lane’s province. They’ve had their time to pack, and they’re ready to leave Province 1 behind. Duke Lot rallied them, along with a few other sympathetic provinces, and they marched on the castle, demanding Morgan produce the princess. They need to see you now, and then we’ll go home.”

  Draper was strong, though not as ridiculously bulky as Bastien or the other Untou
chables. I shuddered against him, clinging to his undershirt as the rain pelted us through the late afternoon sun. “I failed the third grade,” I whispered only to him, my face close to his jaw. “I can’t…” I wanted to confess my deep insecurity that I couldn’t read – a secret I didn’t part with unless there was no other option. I tucked the confession back inside, worried he might drop me if he knew I was stupid.

  I don’t know why my brain was betraying me like this, but it was stuck, and spewed more truths at my new brother. I was certain one of the things would make him recoil from me or drop me in the mud, but he walked steadily onward, repeating after every admission, “I’m here.”

  “I ran away once when some kids at school were picking on me.”

  “I’m here,” Draper vowed, tucking my secrets tight in his heart as the rain pelted us.

  “I stole a test in Algebra class so I could memorize the answers and pass.”

  “I’m here.”

  “I cheated on Demi with Bastien twice!” I fretted, ashamed as I clung to Draper, afraid that this would be the part where he dropped me.

  He hefted me higher in his arms so he could press a kiss to my filthy forehead. “I’m here. No matter what, I’m here. You’re coming home with us now, and you’re never coming back to this place.” When I didn’t answer, he made himself vulnerable and sang me the song he’d invented for me when I’d been a baby. “Climb all the mountains, run off when you’re grown, but for now, little girl, my song is your home.”

  “Please don’t leave me,” I begged.

  Draper’s firm cadence had the note of a promise to it that I clung to as if it was the only thing anchoring me to the planet. “Never, Rosie. I’ll never leave you.”

  I hadn’t been prepared for the noise that was hundreds of thousands of people shouting their victory when Draper brought me to the front of the castle and crossed over the bridge. Remy and Lane walked in front, making a path that everyone scattered from. Link and Madigan walked in silence on either side of me, shoving a few villagers who grew too zealous and tried to touch my trembling body. The nonstop rain paired nicely with the exuberance of the moment, making everyone rampant for a new life, a new day.