Ugly Girl Read online

  When Lane answered over speakerphone with a harried, “Are you okay?” I almost broke down in embarrassing tears.

  “I just needed to hear your voice.”

  Lane started sobbing, and I could tell she’d been holding back as well. “You’re still talking to me? Oh, baby. I’m here. It’s alright. I promise when I get to you, we’ll hash it out. I’m so sorry. It’s all on me. It’s my fault completely. I should’ve told you years ago. I shouldn’t have lied. Unforgiveable.”

  I nodded, but knew I couldn’t speak without the waterworks I wouldn’t be able to clean up in time. “Mm-hm.”

  “Are you guys close? Where are you? I’m still about three hours out.”

  “Where? I still have no idea where we’re going.”

  “Montana. There’s a tract of land that’s got the well in it. The gate to Avalon is down inside the well.”

  Judah spoke up. “A well? Seriously? That doesn’t sound so spectacular.”

  “Hi, honey. You doing okay, Judah?”

  “I’m hanging in there. Tell me more about this well.”

  “It’s not so deep. You just sort of lower yourself down, and land on the other side.”

  My stomach dropped. “Okay.”

  “Rosie, please tell me that one day you’ll forgive me. I didn’t want to tell you who your mom was because she wasn’t a good person. She didn’t deserve a daughter like you. You’re amazing. You’re my best friend, and she never understood how to love or take care of things without breaking them.”

  I nodded, though I didn’t want to. “I really can’t get into that right now. I don’t want to get upset. It’s already too much over here. Silvain? Some friend of Bastien’s from the Academy? He found us, and it got bloody. He’s dead now.” I saw a squirrel watching me in the parking lot to my right, so I cracked my door open, waving him inside. On long treks home when I needed a driving buddy, I usually took Penelope or Wilbur with me. This new guy was a stranger, but when he scurried through the door that I popped open to let him in, I knew I’d chosen well. He chittered on my lap and butted the top of his head against my abdomen, grateful to have made a new friend. Animals were funny like that. Didn’t take much for them to be cool. People weren’t as easy to navigate.

  I named my new buddy Hamish. He had big eyes that were perpetually wide, a brown bushy tail he was quite proud of, and an eagerness to inspect everything on the inside of the car after jumping up on my shoulder to nuzzle my neck. My eyes watered, and I knew I couldn’t hold the emotion back much longer. “I think I helped kill a man, Lane.”

  “Oh, Rosie. Baby, you didn’t have a choice. Trust me. With the army, it’s kill or be tortured and then killed. I’m sorry you had to do that, though.” Her tone changed to irritable. “Those idiots probably did the spell wrong. I should’ve known. I’m sorry, hun. Just get to the gate as soon as you can. Who’s driving?”

  “I am,” Judah said. “I told her about the visage charm. You might have some ’splaining to do, Lucy.”

  Lane’s voice was penitent and quiet. “I altered your appearance because you’re the spitting image of your mother. I’m sure Reyn and Bastien can tell just by looking that you’re Morgan’s daughter.”

  My reply was no-nonsense. “You gave me a hump, Lane.”

  “And I’d do it all over again if it kept you alive and away from danger. I’ll let you hate me forever if it means you’re breathing.”

  I wasn’t sure how angry to be with all of it. It was too much to process. “You know how rough it was for me in school. You fed me to the wolves, Lane.”

  “I love you, and I’m sorry for my role in it all.”

  Crap. If only she’d argued a little bit, then I could maintain my anger. As it was, I couldn’t feel much beyond the shock. It was still too fresh to put my emotions in proper order.

  Judah saved our uncomfortable lull. “Is it true Rosie’s a human compass? Remember when I got separated from you at that carnival? She was the one who found me. You think that was her Compass kicking in?”

  “I know it was. Let me give you the address so you can make a straighter shot with the GPS, and that way Ro doesn’t have to use her abilities to navigate.”

  “Hit me with it.” Judah pulled out his phone and turned it on. “By the way, your daughter’s got a squirrel in the car.”

  “Yeah, I figured. Rosie, don’t get rabies. You don’t have time for a hospital stop.”

  “Roger that.” I eyed Hamish. “Do you have rabies?” He chittered to me his indignation at being asked such an insulting question about his hygiene. “He says he’s clean.”

  “I feel so much better.” Lane rambled digits to Judah that I tried to remember, but they jumbled in my overcrowded brain. Hamish ran up to Judah and tapped the coffee cup with his tiny paws, but when there wasn’t a nut inside, he left it alone. Hamish took up residence on Judah’s thigh, once I confirmed my BFF was cool. Hamish stood at attention with his hands on the right side of the wheel as he’d seen humans do. He wanted to drive, unafraid of the adventure. I wished I could say the same.

  Hamish sensed my impending emotional breakdown and ran back to me, hopping up on my chest and examining my face with grave concern. “It’ll be okay.”

  Though I wanted to believe him, he was a squirrel, and couldn’t be sure of such things. When a tear squeezed out of the corner of my eye, Hamish dabbed at it with his tail, sensing my discomfort at the public display.

  Bastien slid into the backseat a healthy distance from me, and Reyn took the passenger side next to Judah. I swiped at my tears, but knew it was no use. I’d been caught caring that I’d been hit too hard. Bastien didn’t deserve to know how on the mark his aim had been when he’d taken a verbal swing at me. “We gotta go, Lane. They’re back, so we’ll see you soon.”

  Lane was irate. “Hand the phone to Tweedle Dumbass.”

  “Which one’s that?”

  “Whichever’s closest.” I handed the phone to Reyn, who was directly in front of me. Judah turned the keys to drown out the sound of Lane chewing him a new one for screwing up the spell. Reyn took her anger in stride, using his judge’s son diplomacy to calm her faster than her usual tirades permitted. By the end of it, I could even hear a hint of a flirtation in her voice. I don’t know how Reyn did it. Dude was smooth.

  “Do you have any family?” I whispered to Hamish.

  “No. I live alone, and there’s hardly any nuts nearby. It’s terrible here.”

  “Do you feel like relocating? I have a long way to go, and I could use a buddy.”

  Hamish was so excited at the idea that he perched on my shoulder and hugged my cheek, taking care not to scratch my face with his tiny claws. His tail hooked around my neck, warming the parts of my soul that I feared might grow cold over time.

  Judah drove onto the freeway, sipping the coffee with one hand and driving with the other, while Hamish pointed out all the things he’d never seen at such a high velocity. He told me which trees were his favorite until we got into uncharted territory. Then he was mute with rapture, blown away at how suddenly the world grew far larger than he’d previously understood it to be.

  When Reyn finally hung up, I took my phone back and turned on the cell station to cheesy nineties hip-hop, which was the best kind. I didn’t have to think, and they didn’t have to like it. I turned up the music and rolled down the windows. Judah and I loved hip-hop, the more ridiculous the better. We had epic dance-offs and rap contests when we ran out of normal ways to entertain ourselves. When the song hit the chorus, our heads moved back and forth in the same gangsta rhythm. Judah took the hook with, “‘I love it when you call me Big Pop-pa. If you got a gun up in your waist please don’t shoot up the place. Cause I see some ladies tonight who should be havin’ my baby.’”

  Judah looked in the rearview mirror to make sure I chimed in with the echoed “Ba-by.” He offered me a small smile that let me know that if I could be Notorious B.I.G., then this Compass/Avalon crap was nothing. Judah was good at
putting things into perspective for me.

  Reyn quirked his eyebrow at either us or at the crass lyrics, I’m not sure, and then fished the vial of the stuff they’d concocted to keep me hidden. “Can you make it quieter?” he shouted over Judah’s rapping that matched the singer perfectly. Judah was the rap master. I was a close second, though I didn’t have the levity in me that evening.

  I turned down the volume to a respectable level using my phone, and remained silent in lieu of asking Reyn what he wanted when he turned around.

  “Elaine of Avalon told me that we made the potion right, but we were supposed to keep it on you, not near you. So can you put this in your pocket or something?” It was a small vial, but I knew I couldn’t sit in the car for hours with something hard like that in my pocket, so I took it and shoved it down my shirt, working it between my breasts where I knew it wouldn’t move or be too annoying. Reyn and Bastien cleared their throats and made a point of looking straight ahead after gawking like teenagers. Whatever. “Well, that works too, I guess.”

  I didn’t answer, but kept my eyes on the scenery outside my window. The vibrant greens burst out at me with new life, waving in the wind to tell me about the possibilities that lay before me. I tried not to be afraid. I tried not to feel the sting of being with two guys I didn’t know enough to avoid their personality traps. Then there was the one great guy, who I knew like the back of my hand couldn’t handle a trek through Mordor or wherever.

  “So we’re just going to finish out the drive without talking?” Reyn asked, exasperated at the quiet.

  I nodded, trying to drown out his words with the provocative and kind of funny lyrics from the next rap song I never tired of. I settled into my seat and idly wondered whatever happened to good rap. It was all blingy and boring now. Blarf.

  Twenty minutes later, Bastien blurted out, “I can’t take your music anymore! You’ve punished me enough, okay? I get it, I was a jerk. You win. Now turn it off.”

  I didn’t answer, only turned up the volume, my eyes on my window and my face devoid of expression.

  “Come on! I said I was sorry.”

  Of course, we all knew he’d said no such thing, but bringing that to light would necessitate talking, and I saw no point in that.

  Reyn spun dials trying to adjust the volume, but he only managed to turn on the air conditioning yet again, which we didn’t need. I helped him out and leaned forward to crank the music back down to a reasonable level. “Thanks. Bastien shouldn’t have said those things. He gets like that when he’s… but he shouldn’t have. You didn’t deserve that. You’ve been nothing but helpful once we got over the initial bump. I mean, we didn’t know what to expect when we found you, but you’re nothing like the royals in our world. You’re one of us, and you didn’t deserve to be barked at like that.”

  I responded with a shrug, but didn’t look over at either of them. Hamish understood enough of the fight to scurry up and sit on the headrest of my seat. He raised his fist at Bastien, chittering up a storm and letting him know just who had the smallest nuts in the group.

  “Okay, call off your minion. That’s creepy.” Bastien backed up in his seat behind Judah, eyeing Hamish and me warily.

  I didn’t feel the need to make things less uncomfortable for him, so I let Hamish yell until he exhausted himself, the poor puppy. After a while, he curled up on my thigh and took a little nap, scooting closer to my stomach when I reached down to comb my fingers through his tail. His even breathing soothed me, and though I still felt the disquiet of fear, I tried to let Hamish calm me as much as a squirrel was able.

  15

  No Justice for the Judge’s Daughter

  Judah drove through the night in silence, and I felt no need to ease the tension. I kept vacillating between nodding off and forcing myself to wake. When the sun began to rise, I saw the Montana landscape in new light. There were pink hues from the sun that lit up the mountains in the distance, highlighting the greens and browns of the towering nature. Majesty surrounded us on both sides of the highway and off in the distance we were headed toward. We were almost out of gas again, so Judah pulled off at the next exit and parked at the gas station, refueling in silence while everyone took turns with the bathroom. I bought myself another coffee, though I knew I could only fend off sleepiness for so long. The road was hypnotizing, and the silence was too quiet to keep me awake without stimulants. “You’ve got to take the next shift, Ro. I’m starting to see cross-eyed.” Judah demonstrated his dilemma with his eyes crossed.

  “That’s fine. I’m getting my uppers now.” I held the coffee cup up as a visual aid.

  I used the restroom after the guys and splashed water on my face to wake myself up, not looking in the mirror so I didn’t have to confirm that the hurt I felt deeply was still etched all over my face. No matter how much we had tried to be buddies through our trip, I was a tool to be used and thrown away. My mom knew it. The guys knew it. Maybe I had always known it, too.

  Hamish perched on the sink that had too many stains and cracks in the surface to be less than twenty years old. He saw my pain for what it was and promised me he wasn’t using me to get to a better venue for nuts. He was along for the ride and wanted to be my friend.

  The best friends were always animals. I scooped him up and let him cling to the back of my shirt, hoping he didn’t leave permanent tiny holes in the purple material. André Roussimoff was still with me. That had to count for something. My favorite wrestler hadn’t written me off as a lost cause. In my imagination, André, though deceased, got to see the world via me when I wore this t-shirt. He went on adventures with me, and laughed at the same jokes that made me giggle. He would never use me, but went on escapades with me.

  I walked out to the car and stretched before climbing into the driver’s seat, turning off the GPS to give my internal Compass a crack at navigating. Two hours, and I could see Lane again. Despite all the lies, I still wanted to find her. She would make everything better – that was her way.

  Reyn got out of the car and came around to stand next to me. He didn’t say anything, but waited until I turned to face him. I gave him a baleful expression that told him I wasn’t in the mood for more of his “let’s all be friends” BS. He slowly pulled me out of my seat and wrapped his arms around me, bringing me to his chest in a hug I tried not to need. He rubbed the middle of my back, taking Hamish’s lecture that they didn’t deserve me in stride. Reyn kissed my forehead, and I knew he was trying extra hard to make things okay, to compensate for his jackweed of a friend. “It’s how he gets when something hurts him too bad for him to deal with,” Reyn whispered into my ear.

  “I’m aware he’s got the emotional range of a two-year old. But I don’t have to look the other way like you do. He’s not my friend, and after I find Roland for you, you two will never have to see me again.”

  “Now, now. That’s not what I want.”

  “It’s what you’re going to get. I’m not a tool. I’m a person. I shouldn’t have to be around people I have to spell that out for. Bastien’s your problem, not mine. He’s not marrying my sister.” I pulled out of his embrace and shut myself in the car.

  “Look, I said I was sorry,” Bastien said quietly from behind me as Reyn made his way back to his side of the car.

  “No, you didn’t, and I already told you before that I don’t need you to lie to me. I don’t need your fake apology. I need to get your friend back and find a way to get myself good and lost so your people can’t get to me anymore. I need you to leave me alone so none of your other friends have to die when they try to kidnap me. That’s what I need.”

  “Fine!”

  “Good!”

  Judah buckled his seatbelt, settling in behind Reyn. “Ah, the sound of Rosie fighting to the death. I never thought you’d meet someone who could push all your buttons enough to make you lash out like you used to before you calmed down, but here he is. In the very flesh.”

  I shoved the key into the ignition and peeled out of the lot,
jerking the newbies to the side of the car. “That’s my reminder for all of you to put on your seatbelts.”

  Hamish was concerned with my behavior, so he sat up on my thigh and hugged my stomach. “I won’t leave you. I know you’re mad, but I’ll help you find some nuts. I’ll share all my best nuts with you.”

  “Okay, stop it,” I whispered, my hand brushing down over his thick, brown fur. He was too thin for my liking, and I made a mental note to give him some of my trail mix when we got there. “I’m alright,” I assured Hamish, who knew better than to believe me.

  “That’s so strange you can talk to them,” Reyn commented, pretending there was no fight or tension in the car for the moment. “I mean, the whole kingdom knows you can do it, but it’s crazy to watch it play out. Do you have to talk aloud to them? Because sometimes it looks like he’s answering something you didn’t even say.”

  I bit my lip, not wanting to divulge things I’d never shared with anyone except for Lane and Judah. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Judah stepped in, opening the locked box when I clammed up. He was good like that, knowing when to step in and when to let me stand my ground. “She can do either. Sometimes when she doesn’t want other people to hear her, she can talk to them in her mind if she’s known the animal for a while.”

  “That’s incredible,” Reyn mused.

  I kept my eyes on the road, not wanting to see the look-at-the-freak expressions I was sure the guys were wearing. “Okay, I know it sounds like I’m insane, but I can hear them pretty clearly. Not like I can speak squirrel or anything, but I can understand what they say to me, and somehow they get me.”

  “You can talk to us, you know,” Reyn offered kindly.

  “No, I can’t. Animals are easier. They don’t lie to me or piss me off on purpose. I’ve never once had an animal treat me like that.” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder to Bastien. Hamish stood up on my thigh and raised his fist at the guys, yelling at them for their bad behavior.