Untouchable Girl: A Fantasy Adventure (Faite Falling Book 6)

  Untouchable Girl

  Book Six in the Faîte Falling Series

  Mary E. Twomey

  Contents

  1. The Longest Two Weeks of my Life

  2. The Birds, the Bees and the Dragon

  3. A Luxury Stay at Hotel Avalon

  4. Sweet and Dysfunctional

  5. Trapped and Pecked

  6. Once Upon a Midnight Dreary

  7. Never More. Never Again.

  8. Brìghde, Kerdik’s Ex

  9. A Presidential Sendoff

  10. Girl Talk with Link

  11. The Remnants of a Province Long Gone

  12. Caisse D’épines

  13. Nothing You Could Say Could Tear Me Away from My Guy

  14. Pig and Bucket

  15. A Love for the Fight

  16. Finding My Judah

  17. Captain Moss

  18. Lane, My Lane

  19. My Brave Knight

  20. Don’t Touch My Prize

  21. Home Sweet Home

  22. Kerdik’s Help

  23. All I Wish For

  24. My Warrior

  25. Thug Life

  26. Lane’s Two Sons

  27. Aqueducts and Meeting Superman

  28. This is Judah

  29. Family, Slathered in Butter

  30. Coming Clean with Kerdik

  31. The Truth About the Darkness

  Stubborn Girl

  1. A Mother and Her Daughter

  QR Code

  Other books by Mary E. Twomey

  Copyright © 2017 Tuesday Twomey

  Cover Art by Shayne Leighton

  of Parliament House Book Designs

  All rights reserved.

  First Edition: July 2017

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.

  Lyrics to “Big Poppa” by The Notorious B.I.G.

  Lyrics to all Lost and Forgotten songs by Tuesday Twomey

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  For information:

  http://www.maryetwomey.com

  Special thanks to all the teachers who never gave up on me, namely Mr. Richard Grieves.

  And for those of you who did, I super don’t blame you. I was a pill.

  1

  The Longest Two Weeks of my Life

  I don’t care what anyone tells you, two weeks is an eternity to wait for your mom to come home to you. Lane had been gone for so long already, searching out allies in the withering provinces and inviting them to share in our newfound wealth. Stealing half the jewels back from Morgan was a scandal no one took lightly. Refugees from all over Avalon were still pouring in to stake their claims on a plot of land that wasn’t under Morgan le Fae’s rule.

  Bastien was still gone, and if Kerdik hadn’t magicked the castle to keep me locked inside, I would’ve gone along to help free Lane, Damond, Reyn, Remy, and… My fragile optimism always waned on that last one. The thought of Judah being held in a dungeon was a mental image I couldn’t deal with if I wanted to keep my sanity. Judah had been my favorite (and often only) friend from grade school on, and deserved the best out of life. I’m talking parades, scholarships, hip-hop songs rapped in his honor – the works. What he did not deserve was to get caught up in my mess, and land himself smack in the middle of my mom’s dungeon, without his glasses, and without me. I could picture him huddling in a corner with Lane, scared and cold. The image woke me up in the middle of the night, wracking me with fear. Then came the crash of self-loathing when I remembered I couldn’t break myself out of the castle and go get him myself.

  I frowned when a knock came to my bedroom door. I knew it was Kerdik, and I was still miffed at him for cutting me off from the rescue team. I took my sweet time opening the door, and shot daggers at him with my eyes when he greeted me with an irritable expression. “Took you long enough.”

  “If I haven’t told you before, your personality is absolutely bursting with fruit flavor.” I rolled my eyes at him, my hand on my hip. “Are you here to check that I haven’t made an escape rope out of old sheets and flung them out the window, Warden?”

  “If you were capable of besting my spellwork, then that’s exactly what I’d be doing. As you can’t even step a toe out of the castle, I’m not too concerned. I’ve brought you a friend to help you sleep.”

  The raccoon in his arms was grousing worse than me, and looked about an inch from biting into Kerdik’s juicy forearm just to have done with it. “Hey, Walter,” I greeted him without enthusiasm. Walter was a sourpuss, who had nothing good to say about the world. Montel wasn’t too keen on me sleeping with another bear, so he thought a smaller animal would be best. Walter was a bit of a jerk, though, and we spent most of our time being pissed at each other. Then when I was certain he’d heard me, but was just ignoring me, I repeated myself with a little extra cheeriness. “I said, ‘Hey, Walter.’”

  “Do you really need to talk all the time?”

  “Well, seeing as how that’s what you’re here for, yes.”

  “You’re exhausting.”

  I sighed up at Kerdik. “Remind me again why I can’t just have my birds? They’ll knock me out so much quicker with all their chatter.”

  “Because the Sluagh can change himself into a raven. We can’t chance him mingling with the other birds and flying his way straight inside.”

  “Still no sign of the Grim Reaper, eh?” A Sluagh was a wicked person who’d died, and his spirit was so evil that a Sluagh was formed. The nasty bugger roams about, trying to suck the souls from the dying, adding to its power with each conquest. As I understood it, these jaggoffs were usually only in Éireland, but this dude made a special trip overseas just for Madigan. The Sluagh was targeting me now, courtesy of my fake engagement to Mad.

  Kerdik sighed at my appearance. “What are you wearing?”

  I looked down and rolled up the sleeves of the shirt that hung down almost to my knees. “What? I’m allowed to wear my boyfriend’s flannel shirts as pajamas. They’re comfortable. I can look however I want in my own bedroom.”

  Kerdik’s disapproving expression wasn’t all that uncommon this week. He always had a bug up his butt about something. “I don’t like the look of you in his clothes. Have Montel and Link seen you like this?”

  “Of course not. Link prefers me in nothing at all, so that’s how I greet him every morning.”

  Kerdik pursed his lips, unamused by my pretty funny joke. “Hilarious.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and moved over to my window, unwilling to play this game for a third night in a row. “I’m sorry you can’t find the Sluagh. I know you get moody when you lose.”

  He stood straighter, affronted. “I didn’t lose. I’ll find the Sluagh and make it suffer for forcing me to run around like a Commoner, searching for his own tail.”

  “Ugh. This guy. He’s so annoying.”

  “Hush, Walter. Kerdik’s just in a mood.”

  Kerdik’s shoulders were tight as he stalked over to me. “I despise when you talk about me as if I’m a child.”

  “If you don’t want to be treated like a child, then stop acting like a petulant baby.”

  Kerdik let out a noise of frustration. “You drive me crazy!”

  “Me? You’re the one who locked me inside, when I could be helping Bastien and the g
uys find Lane. At the very least, I could be helping the crew build the wall.”

  “I have half a mind to raise up the rest of the wall myself, just to have done with it.”

  I gaped at him. “Could you really do that?”

  He shot me a simpering expression. “You must be joking.”

  I ran my fingers over Walter’s fur, and he hissed for me to knock it off. “I guess that never dawned on me.”

  “Oh, sweet girl. Your mind is so limited when it comes to all I can do.”

  I scowled at him, looking more like the surly Walter than a girl should have a right to. “Don’t call me ‘sweet girl’ when you’re really saying ‘you dummy’. It’s patronizing.” When we reached our usual nostril-flaring stalemate, I lowered my shoulders and fished for a lighter topic. “Where’s Montel?”

  “Doing a perimeter check before he turns in to sleep.”

  Montel was a nervous sleeper, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Link made a big deal the first night about no man sharing a bed with an Untouchable’s woman. I wasn’t going to invite Montel into my bed in the first place, but the air had gone awkward all the same. “Okay. Did you need something?”

  “A lock of your hair, actually.”

  I quirked my eyebrow at him. “Come again?”

  He gave me a labored sigh, as if my simple query was an arduous give-me-a-break. “Do you really want the complicated explanation, or can I just say that it’ll help me find the Sluagh, and be done with it?”

  “If I’m donating body parts, I think I’ll request the complicated explanation.”

  A labored sigh escaped his lips, complete with an eyeroll. “Every now and then, I wish you were afraid of me, like everyone else is. Then I wouldn’t have to do taxing things, like explain myself.” Kerdik harrumphed, as if my request was a huge inconvenience. “The Sluagh found you in Avalon, even though he’s from Éireland. I want to know if it’s you he’s tracking now, or if it’s still Madigan he’s after. If he’s tracking you, I can use the line of magic he’s tapping to trace it back to him.”

  “Huh. Okay, then that’s cool. See? Was that so hard to tell me?” I cast around for scissors, but didn’t see any.

  Kerdik pulled a pair from his back pocket. They were long and looked more like shears for sheep or something, which I guess it’s possible they were. He made his way over to me and inspected my hair, as if one chunk would be more ideal for the magic than the others. “This one,” he said, lifting up a curl to examine. It was a perfect Shirly Temple curl, unadulterated by a hairbrush or life. I didn’t have a ton of perfect curls, but guessed donating one of them to save my life wouldn’t be too grand a sacrifice. He pulled a string from the pocket of his standard brown pressed trousers and tied off the curl at the root. “Hold still.”

  The look on Kerdik’s face when he examined my hair in his hand made me soften, feeling things I wasn’t prepared to put words to. He snipped the curl, not taking his eyes from the milk chocolate color I’d long been unimpressed by. Seeing my hair through his eyes was a new wonder, and I appreciated afresh that there were parts of me that were beautiful. I’d been the stupid and ugly girl most of my life. The little looks of rapture that Kerdik or Bastien often shot me still took me off-guard.

  A soft smile played on my lips. “Thank you.”

  Kerdik quirked his eyebrow at me. “For taking your hair? You’re welcome?”

  “No, for looking at it like that. Made me feel pretty just then.”

  Kerdik chuckled, and I loved the way his eyes crinkled in the corners only for me. Something about the green skin made the delicate folds that much more intriguing. “Well, you are pretty, so I’m not sure I did anything miraculous, other than notice what’s right in front of my face.”

  “Just mate already and be done with it,” Walter sneered.

  We stood before each other, the heat rising and falling, as it always did. I was with Bastien now, so I did my best to keep things platonic, which was most likely why Kerdik was so crabby these past two weeks. “Sorry the hunt for this jag is trickier than you’d hoped. I know you’ve got more important things to do than this.”

  “I can’t think of a one.” He reached out and stroked a curl that framed my face, addressing it instead of me when he spoke. “I’ll be expecting a hero’s song from you when I find this Sluagh who’s proved so problematic.”

  “Something with a ragtime downbeat that ends in ‘Kerdik’s the King!’ sound good?” I did a goofy flapper-style dance for him, which seemed to break the perpetual sexual tension. What can I say? I’m a very gifted dancer.

  He opened his mouth to respond, but the knock on the door interrupted our back and forth. Kerdik motioned with his hand, using his elemental gift to blow the door open, startling me and Montel, who was on the other side. “Good evening, Princess,” Montel said with his chin lowered. Everyone was on their best behavior around Kerdik.

  “Hey, man. No sign of Notorious B.A.D.?”

  “None at all, your grace. I’ll need to check your windows before I turn in. I can ask your father or your handmaidens to come up while I secure your window, if you prefer.”

  Montel was precious, giving respect for the fact that he was a man entering a woman’s room, instead of just barging in. It was nice to be treated like a lady, after everything I’d experienced in Avalon. “No worries. Come on in.” Montel waited in the doorway until I waved him forward.

  Speaking of barging in, Link’s voice carried up the steps, greeting me before his smile strolled into the room. “Rosie, I love ye. Rosie, I care. Rosie, without ye, my heart’s in despair.” He paused his song to stretch his arms over his head. “I defeated him, the lousy codger. With one hand tied behind my back, I flattened his ugly gob. Where’s my parade? Jays, woman! Where are the loose lasses, throwing themselves at their brave hero?”

  I bounced on the balls of my feet with new hope. “You found the Sluagh? You killed him?”

  Link’s shoulders fell. “Nah. I was only joking. I don’t know why I thought tha would be funny.” He scratched his head, and then double-checked the window Montel had just secured.

  Kerdik was never in the mood for Link’s jokes, so he pretended they didn’t exist. “I’ll need to be away for the night.” He held up my hair to show the guys. “I have what I need for the tracking spell I was telling you about, but I won’t know if it works if I’m in the room with Rosie. I need to take her hair far away, to see if I can lure him there.” He moved to the window – now the third guy who thought the Sluagh would come in by way of a third-floor narrow glass opening. Once Kerdik was satisfied with my security, he shut the drapes. “You’ll leave these closed, even in the daytime. It won’t do for me to set the perfect trap, pretending you’re off far away, and the Sluagh taking a look at you and knowing it’s all a setup.”

  “Fair enough.” I moved over to my wardrobe and pulled out a pair of jeans I slid on under Bastien’s shirt. I had been ready for bed, but now it looked like there might be men in and out of my bedroom for a while.

  “Why are there so many people here? I usually only have to put up with your mouth,” Walter whined.

  “I can spread word that the princess is traveling through the province, if that helps,” Montel offered.

  Kerdik shrugged. “It couldn’t hurt. And I don’t want her sleeping here anymore.”

  I crossed my arms, my lips in a tight line. “You’re doing that thing again. Whenever you go into bossypants mode, you talk about me like I’m not in the room.”

  “Fine. Darling, I don’t want you sleeping here anymore. This is a westward-facing room. Sluaghs always enter through the west entrances. I can’t believe it only just dawned on me this evening. We should’ve had you in a different room from the start.”

  “Okay, but with the rumor going around that I’m not here, that means I can’t hold court with my dad. I don’t like that I’m not with him, and neither is Draper. We were a team, and I feel like I’m leaving him hanging out to dry.”


  Kerdik smiled at me, as if my concerns were adorable. “Urien was ruling long before you were alive, my love. He’ll miss you by his side, but he can handle the mundane squabbles of the people. Though, having a man on the throne without a woman to sanction everything is most unorthodox. I’ll talk to him about it before I leave.” Then before I could tell him my next concern, he said, “And I’ll make sure his security’s tightened before I go. I know how you worry about him, as though he’s the child and you’re the parent.”

  “Well, he’s fragile. He only just woke up from a two-decade slumber.”

  “He says he’s fine. Strong as ever.”

  “Yeah, well, I caught him yawning the other day. He’s burning through his magic, helping everyone how he does while he’s still just coming back to life. I don’t want him overdoing it.”

  Kerdik stroked his knuckle down my cheekbone, gazing at me as if I was something special. “I love that you worry yourself about the safety of my dearest friend.”

  Whenever it dawned on me that I’d made out with my dad’s bestie, I tried to suppress a grimace. Kerdik didn’t look super old, but that didn’t change reality. “Can I talk to him before I hole myself up in a non-westward-facing room?”

  Kerdik clicked his fingers at Montel, silently telling him to go fetch my dad for me. I didn’t like how much of a tyrant Kerdik was, or that a strong dude like Montel didn’t even take offense at the rude ordering around. When Montel left, Kerdik spoke to Link without looking at him. “Pack up my queen’s things and move them to the largest room on the other side of the castle. Preferably a room with no windows.”